Cheater! England X Suicidal! Reader - Past Repeat

Value of Life

"Okay, good bye Alfred," Arthur said hoping for the conversation to finish already, but he did admit Alfred had at least given him some advice, he'd have to borrow money from one of those.

"See ya!" Alfred shouted loudly and with that Arthur hung the phone up.

~~~

The next afternoon Arthur found himself at the shop (F/N)'s present was at with a wad of cash in his hands, newly borrowed. He smiled; he would have to thank Alfred later. The company seemed a little odd, but it was the cheapest Arthur could find. He bought the present for his darling girlfriend, a simple yet very expensive necklace, and had it wrapped nicely, ready to give it to (F/N) later in the week. He had a couple of months till he had to pay his loan back so for now he could just relax and spend time with (F/N).

He'd pay back his loan soon.

~~~

"What the hell is this?!" Arthur exclaimed, his eyes scanning over message in his email inbox again.

-Your loan has been increased by £10. If you fail to pay it back by the next week, it will be increased by another £15.-

"Bullshit!" Arthur cursed through gritted teeth. "They never mentioned this in the contract!" It was only £10 but next week it would be more and Arthur hasn't saved up enough for it yet. He leant back on his chair and sighed angrily.

"Arthur? Is something wrong?" The voice of his girlfriend broke him out of his angered state easily and he flashed her a smile. He quickly clicked off the email.

"Oh sorry love, don't worry it's just spam from Alfred." He lied calmly and (F/N) just nodded and laughed lightly. Arthur sighed in slight relief, but it felt weird. He'd lied to her, but she didn't have to know he'd borrowed money, she'd only worry about him. He'd just keep it a secret for now and maybe once he'd payed it off he'd tell her, he'd get shouted at a lot though.

~~~

He spent restless nights thinking the idea over. Goddammit he would even have the idea if it wasn't for one of Francis's off handed comments! It just got him thinking and at first he thought it was some kind of sick joke his mind made up; there was no way he could do that to (F/N)..

But this could get her in danger too.. He'd rather her be safe then...

He'd check it out tomorrow.

~~~

The appointment was later in the day. He told (F/N) he was going out for a while with an uneasy smile and she trusted him to ask no further as to what he was doing. She just let him do as he pleased without questions and it made Arthur feel even more awful for what he was about to be doing. But.. It was for money, he had to do it for his safety and more importantly, (F/N)'s safety. The company he borrowed money from was more dodgy than he thought and now they'd increased the amount he'd have to pay back by at least £200. He had no say in the matter, it was on the contract in tiny lettering that Arthur had skipped over idiotically. He'd signed it and he'd agreed.

The building he was going to was just an apartment, a simple apartment that looked normal enough. He didn't want to go anywhere to dodgy, actually he didn't want to go at all. He felt sick and his head hurt but he forced his feet to walk forward and forced his hand to knock on the door. A girl answered.

2 hours later Arthur found himself quite exhausted and coming back out the house with some more only in his wallet.

It was darker now and it had rained since the floor was wet and puddles lined the street. Arthur felt his phone buzz in his pocket and he found that he had a couple of messaged from (F/N) asking whether he was okay. He gritted his teeth in anger.

She'd been worried and caring, and he'd done THAT.

His fingers shook as he answered her, telling her he was fine and that he'd be home soon.

The walk home was dull.

~~~

All of it felt wrong. Every night he went out felt like a death sentence.

Lying to the women who'd treated him well and who he'd helped over the years felt awful and he could barely look her in the eyes anymore, could barely hug her at night was cold. When she asked him what was wrong, he could barely form words as he tried to stop himself from tearing up. He'd been lying and lying and cheating and deceiving her and she'd trusted him.

But he was paying his loan back. Slowly.

No matter how much he knew it was wrong he knew (F/N)'s safety and life were far more important. She'd never have to know this ever happened. He would tell her about the loan, he wouldn't tell her about this. She didn't have to ever know and Arthur would just have to live with the guilt himself.

~~~

The client wanted to go to Arthur's house this time and Arthur could do nothing but accept since she'd offered him more money this time. It was enough to finally pay back the loan. Just this one more time and he could be free of this! He could focus his attention on (F/N) again and the terrible feeling he got every time he looked at her could fade into the past! He could finally get his life back on track..

He just had to get this afternoon over with while she was away.

But..

~~~

The sky was surprisingly sunny. Funny wasn't it? At funerals, didn't it always rain? The sun was mocking Arthur by showing off its happiness. Everyone was wearing black and Arthur could barely stand any of it.

The coffin was being closed and that would be the last time he'd ever see her sweet face. (F/N) was dead.

He couldn't cry, he'd done too much of that when the whole mess happened in the first place. All he could was stand there next to his parents with a dull expression on his face alive around him went numb. (F/N)'s mother was crying and her father had tears in his eyes, because of Arthur. Some people from (F/N)'s workplace were snivelling and trying to hold back tears, because of Arthur. The coffin was being buried in the dirt with Arthur's girlfriend in it, because of Arthur.

Everything was Arthur's fault.

It was laughable. He'd done it because he valued her life. Fearing the loan company might endanger (F/N) because he was failing to pay his loan back. He wanted to pay it back as soon as possible so she'd see no danger. If he had any value for her life at all he never would've done. The thing he thought would protect her killed her. Arthur had killed her; he was a murderer.

She was gone forever.

---

And there we go! I hope you guys enjoyed, or, enjoyed it as much as one can enjoy a dull af story
Please if you have seen any typos (they pretty much make up the story by now) do tell me and I'll correct them! Thanks!
This idea was the only idea I could think up off that still meant Arthur cared, but was so desperate he had to do something drastic, and he hoped he could put it behind him once it was over but, we all know what happened!

I'll hopefully write the other things I haven't updated for about a month now and finally finish something ><
Thank you guys for being so patient!
Bye!