WRITER'S BLOCK

A Little Part of Myself With a Dash of Wishful Thinking

Her idea was that she wouldn't be able to tell the difference between love and like. That maybe she couldn't feel it. At least not in a romantic way. 

Ash had once been a very girly-girl. Then as she grew, she became ashamed of it. Ashamed that she liked the color pink, wore dresses, read cheesy romances, and was too awkward around boys to become their friends. She was ashamed that she wasn't a gamer girl, knew how to skateboard, or ate heaps of food.

Then, she loathed the color pink, wore basketball shorts and her brothers' hand-me-down t-shirts, only read of action and adventure, and shoved extra food down quickly so her stomach hadn't registered that it was full until it was too late. She was still shy, but now she could befriend a male without dying. It helped that she was closest with two of her older brothers. While she liked playing video games, she always felt too self-conscious of her newb skills. It made her even more ashamed. She never learned how to skateboard; It had taken her long enough to finally learn to ride a bike.

Sometimes a boy would call her 'one of the guys' or use a male term on her. But it was wrong. She wasn't one of the guys. She wasn't really one of the girls either. She couldn't keep up with what either gender was thinking or interest herself in their likes. And she may have dressed like a boy, but her curves were not possible to confuse with a males, even if she had tried. Her face was too soft with baby fat and very feminine. And then there was the acne.

Gradually, a balance of both of her personas took place.

That's when she decided that she would do what she wanted. She didn't care that her thoughts sometimes left her mouth and confused her friends. It had made her 'weird', but she would sternly remind them that it was in fact normal, she just happened to do it without the thoughts of trying to be weird. Ash had found it sad and funny. 

Everyone tried to be weird in the same way.

Ash spotted one of her friends in the hallway of her new school. A sharp cat's meow echoed down the halls. Her friend immediately turned her head in Ash's direction and meowed back. They continued as Ash drew closer. It wasn't the first time that Ash's habitual meowing had rubbed off on a friend. In fact her other friend at this school resented her for infecting her with the need to make the noise. Sometimes Ash would have urges to meow and it was always hard to revert back to English. Her mom already knew how to translate it, but it sometimes confused others when they couldn't find the cat, to which Ash always apologized for.

Her friend was leaving for lunch so Ash only had time enough to bear hug her friend and a "See ya later."

Ash took a turn and entered the room to her science teacher's room. It was the first year in all her schooling that she spent lunchtime by herself. Fitting for her senior year. Lots of times she would talk with the teacher. They shared interests in manga, anime, and well, he was Japanese so they talked a lot about culture and the Japanese language. The most beautiful language, in her opinion. Other than that she ate an apple that she had snatched before heading out. The teacher had allowed her to use the projector to watch anime when she wanted to during lunchtime and she often found herself using it, hoping that maybe someone else in the room would catch interest.

They never did.

The last three periods ended uneventfully, but her head felt clearer and her heart jumped excitedly when the rain started. It rained often in the Victorian village that she now lived in and it never failed to brighten her day.

She started her mile long walk home under the drizzle with a grin stretched across her face and a hop in her step. She was always glad that she had gotten a waterproof hiking backpack a few years back.

The soft, dim sky above her made her eyes sparkle as she appreciated the grey clouds.  She was obsessed with clouds and she took every opportunity to point out their beauty.