WRITER'S BLOCK

A Little Part of Myself With a Dash of Wishful Thinking

(A.N. You most likely don't want to read this.  I would never turn this into a story because the protagonist is me which makes for a bland and confined character. But this is made so that I can write for writing sake and it's easiest to write about myself. Just a warning.)

The realization of her situation made for an uncomfortable feeling. Not that she was unused to being uncomfortable. There had always been an uneasy emptiness in her being. Reality rarely felt real. 

But that was just life. And her life had apparently always been the role of a secondary character. It wasn't that she mind being a secondary character, at least she wasn't a background character. At the same time, however, she felt that even background characters had a more solid main character-type personality than herself. There were probably stories written that aligned with their own lives.

 No story could ever be with her at the head.

Perhaps that's why she liked the book Black Tattoo so much. While they had very different personalities, the main character was always what seemed to be the secondary character even until the end.

The revelation of her role was unexpected and sudden. It appeared as a punch in the gut with no one at the other end of the blow. Everything had suddenly clicked. How she hadn't seen it before was baffling. She had always ended up becoming best friends with the popular kid. And while that at first made it seem like she was the main character, the idea crumbled when she examined her own personality. She was the blonde dude in an anime that did what he pleased and laughed at everything. The one that overcompensated for his social awkwardness with trying to make friends with everyone. She wasn't popular like he would be though.

She was actually proud of that trait of hers: doing as she pleased. She had spent a good amount of time 'faking it until she made it.' Taking baby steps. Whenever she had noticed that she did or said something or didn't do or say something because she subconsciously cared about what others thought about her, she fought against it.

She was never rude or crossed any lines, but she did what she wanted. Most recently, she had started sitting on her heels, turned sideways, on her chair at school. It annoyed her friend to no end, but it helped her think and was much more comfortable than a bruised tailbone. She move around a lot in her chair, but kept to standards different in each class. Besides that, she was an average Joe and she made sure people knew that she was regretfully normal with only the normal possession of weirdness.

She didn't have any distinguishing features except the strange haircut or maybe the odd clothe choices. Her looks were average; She knew because many people she'd never met before had thought she looked familiar. Her athleticism, musical abilities, artistic abilities, and knowledge were all average. She didn't like to admit it, but her knowledge had become below average after she gave up on learning for a while. Her family, while large, was average with nice but distant relations.

Even her social standing was average. An average person is not invisible, just barely noticed. She was that person that most people around knew her face, perchance even her name. She was close with a few, but they had their own lives.

She had never been invisible.

Just standard.

Ash often yearned. That maybe some magic could enter her own life, like that fantasies she read and dreamed of. Her own magic had been her parents. Her mother knew the moment that she saw him that Ash's dad was going to be her husband. Love at first sight? More than that. They were her role models and Ash cooed over their cute relationship even though she was their daughter.

However, that magic had raised a wall in Ash. She worried constantly that her expectations of love and marriage were too high if she set it to the standards of magic. So she had put her expectations at a low. She had never felt love, but she was sure it was different for each; She would know from watching all her older siblings as they found their best friends.