All the Wicked Things

Chapter 17

My night was filled with restless sleep and unimaginable nightmares. Humans—vile humans hunted us through the forest, hunted the ones I had come to love. As they closed in on us, surrounding us in a circle of iron armor and clanking swords, I tried to reason with them, explaining to the humans that we were very much alike and could live amongst each other, peacefully. I woke drenched in sweat just as an iron arrow pierced through Elric's heart. A dream—it was only a dream, I told myself as I wrenched what little food was left in my body into the porcelain toilet. I spent the better part of twilight in that bathroom, the coolness of the stone floor my only solace. I crawled back to the bed around dawn.

The next time I awoke it was to the feeling of a warm, caressing hand grazing my cheek. My heavy eyelids blinked, trying to focus on the image in front of me. At first, I thought I was still in a dream as Elric's face appeared before me. His beautiful face, though angelic, was marred by some unreadable and impassive look. His eyes were sullen and I could tell that he had been crying.

He knew.

He knew the terrible news that haunted my sleep. Raban was dead. The words were so permanent, so eternal that they hardly seemed possible. But it was possible. The immortal, the undead, could die and this time it would be everlasting—this time, there would be no coming back.

Elric leaned over to kiss me and buried his face into my chest. Silent sobs vibrated my body as I wrapped my arms around him, his warm tears dropping onto my skin. We stayed like that for what seemed like hours, only rising after the sun pierced through the curtains, shining down onto the headboard. Once Jasmine had left after bringing our breakfast, or rather lunch since it was past noon, Elric turned to me.

"What happened?" he asked gently, not accusing or judgmental, just curious.

I took a deep breath. I had relived last night over and over in my head, trying to piece together what happened, who did this, and each time I came up with the same answer: the humans.

"We—Nikolai, Rab—Raban and I went out yesterday," I began. "T-To check on a few of the villages and go to the meadow. We thought it would be fun, a chance to get out of the castle. An Elf found us and told Nikolai that the front lines had been breached. He ordered Raban to take me home, and on our way...the arrows...the arrows came out of nowhere." I choked on those final words, and Elric grabbed me in his arms, my tears flowing as he pulled me to his chest. "I tried to save him—I-I tried to keep him alive," I sobbed. Elric stroked my hair as he tried to calm me down. "It's all my fault. It's all my fault."

Elric pulled my face away from his chest. "Now you listen to me," he said, holding my chin in his hands. "This was not your fault."

"Isn't it?" I replied, peeling my face from his hands. "Aren't I spawned from the very thing that is causing you this pain, causing all of you this pain?"

"His actions are not your own," Elric said. He recoiled as his words came out harsher than he meant them too. He took a breath and composed himself before speaking again. "It's your intentions and actions that define you, not your birthright. You are nothing like Constant." His voice was gentler, soothing now.

But whether or not he blamed me for Raban's death didn't matter because I blamed me. I wasted the rest of the day away in the bed. Jasmine was my only visitor besides Elric, and with little appetite, she'd peek her head in from time to time to see a still uneaten tray of food before retreating. I was thankful that she didn't linger.

Elric stayed gone most of the day, occupied with council meetings and planning Raban's funeral arrangements. I'm sure he preferred the engagements, no matter how tedious and morbid they were, to the constant questions his subjects hurled at him any time he walked into the courtyard, questions he had no answers to.