It has been about two weeks and I have been texting with Javier here and there asking questions mainly about how he handled the death of his sister and his dad. How he moved on and how he still does it all this time later.
Alix- Javier how did you only take two weeks to get back to the game of baseball. It is that point of the season where mathematically we can't get in playoffs and you guys are basically in the playoffs. It has also been two weeks since her funeral and I'm back at work. Again how did you do it? I struggle with the fact that life goes on after the death of a loved one.
Javy- First off you don't have to call me by my full name, you can call me Javy. I understand those days where you don't know what to with your life after death. That you struggle with the fact that you feel like it should be you instead. That you could have taken away their pain. There are days where it is a lot easier than others. Not because you forgot that person but because you know that they would be proud of what you're doing with your life. That you are moving on from their death. They know that you don't forget about them but you are closer to understanding their death.
Alix- Thank you and I don't deserve to call you Javy yet. I will most likely talk to you later.
Javy- If you ever want to just sit and talk I am willing to grab some coffee or lunch if you want.
Alix- Only if you a win a World Series and when you do that after the party with the city, your baseball family and your family.
Javy- Sounds good as long as it doesn't take us another 108 years. If you need something to take your mind off of her death you can always come to a game. I know someone who could get you tickets.
Realizing that death isn't something that can be overcome in a short amount of time and realizing that family can be gone at any time I am starting to do things for myself and my son. As a person who has always put others first I am finally doing things for myself and my son. Like taking a trip to Denmark which I have wanted to do for years now. Now that I am a single mom it has been harder to travel but now that Brendan is older it is easier.
"Brendan we are going on vacation to Denmark for a week. Do you want to see anything specific while we are there?"
"I wish we could bring dad with us. I think that he would have enjoyed Denmark. Can we go to Lego Land while we are there?"
"B of course we can go to Lego Land. You know that dad would have loved to travel where ever we went. The little time he had with us he cherished. He loved seeing you grow and I know that he is proud of who you are and what you will become. He loved being your father and I know that if he was here today with us that he would be so excited to go with us even if it was for a few days."
"Mom, why do you still wear your wedding ring on your left hand?"
"Because I loved your dad and I still do but I can't find the strength to take it off. I don't want the marriage to be officially over. I don't want to accept that he is really gone."
"Mom it's okay that you haven't taken it off. I think that dad would have done the same thing."
