Hey, Mister In Denial (BxB)

Chapter 29: Back To Hell

Chapter 29
Back To Hell

I feel nervous.

I feel sick.

I feel like I'm going to faint in any second.

My eyes frantically go left and right, trying to catch, or sense his presence. I'm not prepared to see him again, to see how he has moved on already from me, to see him with someone else. Of course that's just my brain processing negative thoughts, or images, but I can't help but to think of those. What if he has found someone else worth fighting for more than me? What if he has found someone else where he's ready to tell the world that they are lovers? Just the thought of those make my heart clench in pain, and I feel the searing pain, and it hurts. So much.

Everything makes me dizzy – the passing students, the noise, the smell, everything. I just want to go home, curl up in my bed, and hide myself underneath the cover where I'd feel safe, at the same time threatened and hurt.

Students look at me, as if they haven't been expecting my arrival, as if they didn't expect that I'd return early. I can't blame them. Rumors spread faster – someone has probably spread that I'd quit studying, or something like that. They just stare at me, phone in hand, books in the other. I want to snap at them, to tell them to look away, because I feel like they can look into my vulnerable soul through my eyes, as if they can see how weak I am. I don't want that.

Gloss is the first one to greet me. But except of high-fiving my palm, he immediately hugs me, shocking me. My whole body tenses, not expecting the hug, but eventually I relax. "You're not okay. I know it. If you ever need someone to talk to, you know I'll be here, right?" He pulls away from me and stares right into my eyes. I nod in response, glad that Gloss is my friend.

"Thank you," I say, hugging him once again before the warning bell rings.

Derek and I just made it on time; I barely had time to gather my books in my locker room. I'm pretty sure someone will lend me since students, in this school, don't care about education. At least some of them. Gloss hugs me once again before telling me that he needs to go as he'll be late for his class. I tell him that I will, too, if I don't move now; we both part ways.

I head to my class, telling Derek that I'll meet him later in our next class. He agrees with me and says to me that I can text him if there's something wrong, or if the ex, titled by Derek, is bugging me. I agree with him, nodding my head like a dog. I give him one last glance and head directly to my class.

As usual, the class is boring; I have to talk to the professor about my case. The lie easily rolls off my tongue like a cotton ball – I tell him that I couldn't focus on anything as my grandmother had just died, which is true in a way. The professor believes me, and then he lets go back to my seat and I grin to myself internally. The professor talks and talks until my mind drifts into somewhere, his voice fading away. I look outside through the mirror, in the distance.

I don't know why it has come to this point. I don't even know why this is happening to me. I rack my brain, trying to remember if I've done something awfully wrong to receive these punishments. I lose my Memere; I lost Dale; I lost myself. I want to cry again, to curl up and ignore the world and ignore the pain, but... everything hurts so much. It's hurt. I pity myself for being like this.

Realizing that the bell has gone off, students pouring out of the room, I immediately stand up and leave the room. But before I'm able to leave the room, the professor stops me and I stop abruptly. I stare at him, arching a brow. The professor talks to me, asking if I'm already okay, if I'm fine already, or if there's still any problem as he has seen me earlier out of focus, not paying attention to the class. I mutter a sorry, because admittedly, I wasn't really paying any attention. The lessons sounded boring to me, and I couldn't find any interest on it. In fact, if this isn't a requirement for me, I would have left the room already, or I wouldn't have gone back to school at all.