My Harlequin Romance (MCR Fan Fiction)

Chapter Five

I can't remember the last time I woke up past dawn. Most of the time, my insomnia gets the best of me. Insomnia is like a parasite. It eats away at your organs, taking away one of the most important things a human does. I roll over and stared jealously at the two empty beds. The fourteen year olds had been adopted last night. I clenched my eyes shut and rolled over again so my back was facing the empty beds. 

In the orphanage, they say fifteen is the breaking point. After you turn fifteen, nobody wants to adopt you anymore. You're too old. Besides, they only want the babies anyway. Babies last a long time, fifteen year olds don't. 

Does it break my heart I'll never have another place I can call home? Of course it does. Every single day. 

"Calm down," I thought, my face softening and my eyes sealed shut, "What does it even matter if you're adopted anyway?" Exactly. It doesn't matter. In three years, I'll just leave. It doesn't matter where I'll go; anywhere is better then here. 

I sat up in my bed. The sun was directly across from me in the east. It rose like one lazy eye, just beginning to focus. It sent golden rays into my small room. I stretched my back and watched the massive ball of fire burn on the horizon. This is the best part of the day. 

Only an hour later, I was climbing out the window and into the the tree that grew beside the orphanage. This is the basic schedule of my weekends: I wake up, Mrs. Norris pisses me off, I climb out the window and sit in the tree for the remainder of the day. It's just what we do. 

There's something magical about this tree. I crouch in my usual spot, looking much like a bird sitting on it's perch. I reach my arm into the burrow that I dug into the tree, and run my hands over my treasures, the last pieces of evidence that I ever had a real family. A black button from my dad's old winter coat, a tiny beach ball that my mom had inflated many months ago, her breath is still in it, and lastly, a raggedy teddy bear that was worn and torn. I pulled the stuffed animal from the burrow and breathed in. Maybe it's just my imagination, but sometimes when I do this, I can smell home. I can't even directly identify the scent, except that it's warm and welcoming, and it makes me want to go back to where I came from. 

The air was chilly, and I replaced the stuffed animal back to it's burrow. Gracefully, I slid down the tree to the frozen ground and looked towards the orphanage. There was no way I was going back inside. There was no reason to. I turned from the Luna House, and began to walk away. 

Not even a hour later, I was strolling up the same scary sidewalk I had been yesterday. Now, this worn pathway seemed like an old friend, even though I'd only been on it twice. Perhaps today would be a good reconnaissance day. I needed to know more about Gerard and I'm not too great with direct talking. A few feet ahead, his house lay in it's same stationary place. I slowed my pace, realizing how loud I was stomping up the street. A few feet ahead, there was movement behind the front door. I ducked behind the tree that stood in the Way's front yard and watched the person exit the house. In moments, I identified that person as Gerard. He zipped his jacket and began to walk away from his house toward the road and the general direction I was. 

"Lola?" 

Crap. I didn't even have time to move or breathe. He was already here, staring at me like I had three arms. How incredibly embarrassed I was to be caught spying. Perhaps he wouldn't care or think anything of it. That would be the best case scenario. 

"What are you doing?" He questioned, folding his arms like he was feeling insecure. I smiled sheepishly, a goofy grin taking residence on my face.

"I... uh... was just in the neighborhood, and I thought I'd stop by," I improvised. That was when I realized I really must suck at lying. Gerard raised an eyebrow suspiciously. 

"Why were you behind the tree?" 

"I wasn't behind the tree," I replied defiantly even though I had CLEARLY been behind the stupid tree. Gerard rolled his eyes in a very, very dramatic fashion. 

"Alright. Whatever," he said and began to laugh a little. I'm sure I freaked him out by being here, but there was something about his tone and the way he laughed that made me realize he was willing to forgive me for being really awkward. Gerard looked at me for a minute, like how a scientist would look at a new species that had just been discovered. "Well, you must have nothing better to do, so want to go to the park with me?" 

"Sure," I replied because I really need to learn more about him. We walked in silence for a while, Gerard kicking around rocks with his shoes. I was alright with the silence, since when I talk it only seems to screw things up entirely. We rounded a few corners until we arrived at the withering, yellow park. Gerard walked casually to a rusty swing and sat down. I did the same, mimicking his cool exterior. We both stayed quiet, until Gerard cleared his throat. 

"So," he said quietly, "My parents were upset about the window." 

"Did you guys get it reported to the police?" I asked, staring down towards my feet. 

"Nah," Gerard muttered again and sighed, "It was only one window." 

This bothered me and I finally looked up and met his eyes. "Only one window? Gerard, next time, will it be 'only one bullet'? This is serious!" Something about the shadowy look in his eyes made me realize that might not be the case. Maybe he was really troubled, but his parents refused to care. 

The wind picked up slightly, and Gerard's hair ruffled slightly. He looked off again, and then finally closed his eyes. "I wonder if anyone thinks about me when they can't fall asleep at night," he said quietly before opening his eyes again, "Have you ever wondered that?" 

"All the time," I whispered quietly and folded my arms around the swing set. A few yards away, a dog without a collar ran speedily into a yard with no fence. I watched it, wishing I could be as carefree as that dog. He probably has never worried a day in his life. The wind picked up again and a empty water bottle bounced across the dead, yellow grass.  

"I want to know more about you," Gerard finally said, his voice more confident and full, like he was finally getting out what he wanted to say. 

"Like what?" 

"Everything," he said quickly, like it was all he could wait for. I blinked a few times, meeting his eyes. I shook my head quickly. "Why?" Gerard asked impatiently, sounding much like a frustrated child. 

"Because, my speaking skills are crummy," I replied, swaying the swing on my feet, "I'd mess it up, and then you wouldn't be able to understand." 

Gerard was quiet, realizing that I had just trumped him. I was right. My speaking skills did suck, and mostly every story with me ends up a tangled mess. "You're a great artist," he said, "Draw it!" 

"Draw my life story?" I said, raising my eyebrows, "That's ridiculous." 

"And yet, I thought you were an artist." 

"Funny," I muttered, and then looked across the park. Drawing it was really far out there. It would take weeks and I doubt he cares enough for that. Honestly, I didn't see a possiblity for this to happen. Being an artist, drawing, painting, and sketching are my three vices and I'm not inclined to anything more. 

"Well," Gerard said, standing up,"That was fun, Lola. I think my grandma wants me to run by the post office on our way home." He began to walk away, so I quickly followed, feeling a little like an annoying puppy. "She's supposed to get a letter today from my grandpa-" 

"A LETTER!" I yelled, stopping him in mid-sentence, "I'LL WRITE YOU A LETTER!" 

A wide smile blossomed across Gerard's placid face. "I knew you'd think of something," he said quietly as we walked away. Across the street, the same dog watched us walk away, and, as if sensing Gerard and I's self loathe and pain, scurried away.

Hours later, I arrived back at the Luna House and went straight to my room and started on the letter, my pen flying across the paper, the pain of my life going down my arm, through my fingers, and onto the page. Like and IV, it bled onto the paper, leaving the ink story behind. When I finally finished, I was so excited that someone was finally going to know how much pain I'm in everyday. I couldn't wait to show Gerard.