• i want you to stay • (joker x harley x ivy)

|| 4 months ||

- HARLEY'S POV -

It's been 4 months.

I've noticed that, unlike every other expecting mother, I don't have a bump. It must've been because of the chemicals. In some ways that saddens me, but at least J won't suspect anything.
Many nights I find myself staring at the ceiling, contemplating whether i should tell him the truth or not. But I think it's too late for that.
Many nights after lots of tossing and turning, J stirs before I feel his arms wrap around me and pull me closer, the warmth of his body heat on my stomach giving me a form of comfort. For a while, at least.
It doesn't take long for J to fall asleep before I get up, trying not to wake him up as I speedwalk into the bathroom and heave up the one meal I ate.

The excessive throwing up has passed, and now I feel myself getting gradually weaker. I need to hide that around J, even though I know how well he can tell when there's something wrong.

He sometimes questions me, and I simply reply that i'm just feeling a bit sick, when I'm actually going through pure hell each day.

Both from the physical pain in my stomach, and from the guilt of excessively lying to my lover.

I wish I could just tell him, so he'd make me warm soup each morning and postpone his heists. So he'd talk to the baby when we cuddle on the couch, and give me all the medications I need. So he'd treat me like a queen.
But i know that won't ever happen.

J never had a liking for children. He'd probably  simply leave me on the street, in the rain to fend for myself. But maybe i'm just assuming things. Maybe he would want to settle down, and have children. But then again, probably not. We couldn't even have a normal family like I'd ever want if we even tried. Our lifestyle isn't safe for a child. So what will I do when it comes to the point where this can't be a secret any longer? Abortion? Never. Adoption? Possibly, but i'd never forgive myself. Even though I may not have a choice.

I haven't been doing much, except for having to force myself to join Puddin on heists so it hides the fact that i'm gradually getting weaker and more tired. I've completely lost my appetite, eating one or occasionally two meals a day. I know the baby needs me to eat, to take care of myself. But i don't have anyone to help me with that. I need support. This can't go on much longer.

~~
2 months later
~ JOKER'S POV ~

I've never had this kind of feeling before, and I don't really like it at all. But i'm worried about her.

I'm mostly worried about her health. She won't eat any of the food my dumbass henchmen make her, which in some ways I understand. They aren't five star chefs, they don't even know what the hell theyre doing half of the time. But she can't even eat anything. I see it in her eyes, she wants to fulfill her needs, to be with me and kill the bat and do fun things like the Harley I know. But something is obviously stopping her from being herself. And it's got to be something big if she can't tell me. She tells me everything, sometimes too much. Even if I don't listen too often, that sing song voice never left my head. But now it's hard to get a full sentence out of her.

She obviously thinks I can't see it. That sparkle of guilt in her puppy dog eyes, and the fact that she's physically falling apart. She's gotten thinner, and the vibrant blue colours that bursted from her orbs every time you looked into them are now a dull grey and blue colour. Something isn't right. I'm almost angry at myself for not just forcing her to spit it out the moment it all started, whatever it is.
I need my Harley back. Something's changed her drastically, for the worse.

Does she not trust me?
Sure, I'll confess that there's times where I flip my shit and may or may not take it out on her. But right now I've been staying as patient as possible around her, trying to find some way to gain her trust. And I get nothing in return.
Jesus, women are so complicated.

I'll buy her the whole world if she wanted it. Can't she see that?
In some ways I suppose I can say I feel those disgusting emotions known as love, but only she ever gave me that feeling. Maybe she's just hurting herself so I can give her attention. It's a Harley thing she'd most likely do.

~~

Knock knock.

The hollow sound of the door only caused a growl to escape my throat. Harley rarely knocks at my office door.

I dramatically rolled my eyes, getting up from my slouched sitting position and trudging over to the door before opening it.

How is it possible to look worse than 5 minutes ago?

Even her cheeks were now slightly sunken in, dark bags under her eyes from the lack of sleep. Hm. Reminds me of myself in some ways.

I tried to sound as calm as possible, for Harley's sake.

"What do you want, Harley?"

She twitched instinctively at the sound of my voice, her small frame trembling, probably from the lack of eating.

I almost felt some form of guilt in this moment. All she really is is just a small child, desperate for the pain and suffering to go away, whatever was causing it.

"Harley.." I spoke calmly; genuinely calmly. I still love the way her name sounded coming from my mouth.

I bent down slightly, picking her up in my arms bridal style. A long sigh escaped her lips as she nuzzled as close as humanly possible. Her mouth slightly turned up into a smile, a smile I haven't seen in months.

I saw this as a chance to make her feel better, for her sake and mine. I need to know what's going on, but she first needs to get to a better state, mentally and physically.

"Cmon, baby, you want daddy to take care of you for a while?" I said softly. Speaking softly was foreign to me. I didn't like it, but at the same time I found myself speaking that way to her from now on.

She simply nodded, a slight expression of surprise on her face. I laughed quietly at that before kissing her burning forehead and carrying my baby to bed.

-----

i take so long to update ugh
this kinda sucks and it's short but oh well here's something
hope you like it anyways!

comment any ideas, ways i can improve, what you thought, etc
and vote, id appreciate it a lot!