What It's Like Loving an Idiot

Thirteen || Take it Easy

I suppose you could describe it as being a simple sort of thing, where nothing really has much confusion towards it. In some ways, my life is simple: I go to college, I have a family that supports whatever I want to do with my life and I have a boyfriend that loves me— now that's where it gets confusing. See, James loves me, I know this as a simple truth, but in ways that are complicated to describe sometimes it's hard to believe. Maybe, I'm being selfish, but isn't he too. If anything, more? You see, more often than not, I put his needs in front of mine and I feel that that is what is necessary to love someone, to always put their needs in front of yours. That doesn't seem to be the case with James. See, in a world where life throws complications in your face like flying fists, it's hard to dodge. Of course, with issues that fly in our way, there are always ones that we can control because with little control, a difference can be made. Maybe, I'm just blabbing on and on about simple nothing with the thought of Autumn using James. I suppose, there could be a possibility that I am just describing purely nothing but my thoughts that cannot be expressed any other way.

Could it be that things are just moving so quickly in my life that I have lost complete thought in exactly what is happening? Probably not. I'm probably just blabbing away complete nothing and gibberish.

Obviously.

"Vena, are you listening?"

I snap out of my daze. "What?" I look at James.

"I was asking you if you still wanted to go down to my parents cabin this weekend. If you're not feeling it then that is fine, but my mom wants to know."

I nod, "Well, it's really up to you if you can even get out of the city," I smirk at him.

He stares at me for a moment with a blank expression before he takes his hand from the microphone part of the phone and goes back to talking on the phone.

I shrug more to myself then him. I mean, it's true isn't it? It really is up to whether or not he can leave this city. I mean, I just wanted to go away on a simple weekend with my boyfriend's family, but I'm sure his bitch ass sister will get in the way somehow, but, I mean, I'm not mad or anything.

It was only a few moments later that James gets off the phone.

"Are you angry or something at me?" James asks a stupid question.

"Yeah, I am."

"Why?"

Why?! Why?! Are you kidding me right now?

"Are you sure you want to get into this? Because once I start I will not stop until I am done."

James crosses his arms across his chest. "I obviously want to know, Vena. I don't know why the fuck you are angry at me and I hate the idea of you being angry at me."

"You know what I find interesting?" I ask, continue too quickly for him to reply. "The fact that there was a time in our relationship where we had more or less control and now I'm looking and it's like we can't do a damn thing without your damn sister getting in the way. I just want to know something: why on earth was it necessary for you to be in contact with her? It's been years and just now she wants to be your sister? Does nothing about that seem fucked up to you?"

"I'm sorry, Vena."

"Yeah, well, saying sorry doesn't take back stupid actions. You know what I want back?"

He looks at me waiting for me to explain.

"I want my life back, okay? I want to know where it went because I can't fuçking find it anywhere. How about you? Can you tell me where my boyfriend went? Y'know the one that I thought told me everything? I miss him." I stopped talking and took a moment to calm myself down.