Chrysalis (Book 1.5 in the Wolfen Brethren Series)

Afterword

I have never written an afterword before but since this story is a lot of firsts for me I thought why not. This is the only story I have ever written in first person and I'm glad that I did. Vanya's story first came to me when I was re-writing Capture and the moment she introduced herself to me as a character, I knew she had to have her own story.

Her personality was so dark and morbid to start with, so serious and detached for a young child that I just had to explore her. I wanted to show how we can come from dark times but with inner strength we can persevere even against all odds.

It's written in parts because I wanted to break up the different stages in her life, each quote representing the over all tone or feeling the would transpire. She went from being so alone, to putting all her faith into everybody but herself, to finally realising that her happy ending would only come if she was happy within.

I intentionally ended the story with her being single because to me that was what was important. I was never going to fling her together with some male because in my mind she is so much stronger for being alone. There was a point where she was looking for her worth and belonging through men and so I made sure to finish the story with her being happy within  herself in the first place she ever felt.

As for Vanya and Carson, you can imagine the ending of them as you will but in my mind I know how it goes. They couldn't be together at this point because neither of them had finished discovering who they were and though you can do that with the person you love, these two couldn't. Especially Vanya she has a personality that will naturally sacrifice things for her partner, so I had to make sure she was at a point where she could acknowledge this and that her partner would also know this and not abuse this nature of hers.

There is hope that they could reconnect or that Vanya finds a new love but what is most important to me is that she isn't scared to be alone. She reached a point where she decides to focus on herself and Kai. Carson also needed to grow as a male and take some accountability for his actions and I guess just grow a backbone.

Vanya's story was perhaps the easiest for me to write because it came from a part of me that was frustrated and saddened by the world we lived in and where I belonged in society. I wrote her emotions so easily because I guess we all struggle to find liar selves any some point. Vanya was that female, struggling to find herself in a society that told her, her best wasn't what they wanted. She was always too something and I think many people can relate to that.

This story means so much to me because although it is extremely fictitious there are some themes in here that I think we often forget. We try to fit the ideal society creates for us and by doing so we discard every part of what makes us unique.

Vanya was stuck in that mould and it wasn't until a near death experience that she realised her errors. So many females cosmetically change their bodies and go under the knife because society perpetuates this image of the perfect woman and male.

I wanted everyone to remember that though we may be different or we go against this mould, we are all beautiful in our uniqueness. No outer change can make us happy if we aren't happy within and that was a lesson Vanya had to learn.

She was depressed for such a long time and I wanted to write her depression as a separate entity. Her cloaked friend represented that because sometimes when depression hits us we do things that we feel a sane or "normal" us wouldn't do. Her cloaked friend was her own enemy and the only way she could shake that hold was when she actually held the blade in her hand and saw the reality and not the image her depression had painted. In that moment she realised how low she had slipped.

Suicide is a serious thing and yes it can be seen as selfish but it is also a final call for help. Our society frowns down on mental health issues because it isn't something tangible, something we can physically touch. I have a family history of mental health issues and it wasn't until my sister went through her own attempt,
did I actually realise how uneducated I was about mental health.

Some people may see Vanya's suffering as something she inflicted on herself, or over dramatic but all I can say is that mental health is not a joke. I don't know what it feels like to loose yourself in overwhelming emotions but I have watched it on the sidelines and it is ugly.

So please be kind.

I also wanted to explore how society affects how males see themselves and others. Carson was mentally and emotionally distraught from young and because this was written in Vanya's POV it's easy to forget that his mental scars were what turned him into the male that could hurt her.

Some may wonder how he went from cute and weak to almost cruel and it's pretty easy to explain. Carson was a social reject and a mentally (sometimes physically) abused person for most of his life. Neema came along and gave him confidence to be strong. She pushed him to not just roll over and take the punches but to make something of himself but by doing so she opened the door to other possibilities. His drastic change made him socially acceptable and that acceptance went to his head. He was no longer in the shadows but basking in the light.

This was extremely important to me to write because sometimes we often forget that males are also susceptible to social expectations in the same way females are. I love to read and write about the sexy, strong men just as much as the rest of you but Carson was not that male, not naturally, and he ended up distorting his nature and loosing himself to fit that aesthetic. In the process ruining one of the purest things we can ever be given, love.

I hope that you guys have enjoyed my story and hopefully picked up on some of these themes. I mean there are so many but I could probably write a whole book on that and bore you guys to tears, so I'll stop here.

I know it's just fiction but I always like to include some truth in my works.

Having said that I hope you guys will stick around for my other books.

Also let me know if you want a QA type thing. If not then farewell and thanks for reading! I have genuinely enjoyed reading and chatting in the comments section. This journey has been amazing!