All That I Am

Honestly Forgiven

I nod, "ok.. let me put this stuff away and I'll make you some pancakes."

I check my cell to see a text from Derrick, "hey, I talked to Andre yesterday. He told me you're not talking to him. Everything ok?"

I sigh sending a quick response "everything's fine D." I suddenly feel arms wrap around me, startling me briefly. "Shoot, Mike..." I chuckle breathlessly releasing my tensed up shoulders.

He laughs in return, "did I scare you?" He pecks my cheek.

"Just a little." I lean my head onto his shoulder allowing him to lean his cheek onto mine softly.

"You looked so frustrated before I peeked in. Who was that on the phone?" He asked curiously.

"Just Derrick.. asking a silly question." I roll my eyes pushing my phone in my pocket. "Let me go, I've gotta make Camille my 'fluffy' pancakes" I say releasing his arms and head back downstairs.

Michael sat with Camille as she tried to get him to say her name. "Come on mikey, say 'cam-ille'" she repeated. I stood in the kitchen giggling listening to her. Michael stood next to me helping me make the batter, or at least passing me an ingredient or two, he was more or less there to mess with me, dabbing a finger of flour on my nose once or twice.

"Camille, your name may be too hard for Michael to repeat, try "mama or daddy" I suggest, wiping flour off of my nose for the fourth time.

"Try and teach him to say daddy, so he can stop calling me doo doo." Michael mumbles, causing me to giggle. Once again I was distracted by my phone vibrating in my pocket. It was a phone call from Derrick this time.

"Hey D.." I answer, holding the phone between my shoulder and cheek. My hands were preoccupied with mixing the pancake batter.

"You sure everything is good? Andre said you just stopped talking to him out of the blue.. he's kind of upset."

I roll my eyes, that was a lie and Andre knew it. "D, I can't really talk about this right now.." I say glancing over at Michael who was distracted by Camille and Jr. Laughing at how Camille would try to form Michael's lips to say "daddy"

"We'll talk later then..but I just wanna know what happened."

"I'll tell you later. I just... can't right now." We both hang up and I continue making the food.

"Everything ok?" Michael asks.

"Of course, just Derrick again." I smile. I wasn't hiding the topic of the conversation from Michael, I just didn't feel comfortable talking about it. Michael and I had settled the problem and I didn't want to upset him by speaking on it in front of him. Besides, it was a dead issue as far as I'm concerned.

***

Michael's POV

I pushed the rest of my clothes for the week into my suitcase, preparing for another week in the studio in New York. I wanted to finish this album by September and release it by October and with the new year coming upon us I had very little time.

"Daddy, when are you leaving?" Camille sulks, hopping on my bed.

"Not for a few days 'Millie.." I answer pulling the zipper shut. "Why?"

"Well, I have career day at school and my teacher thinks you should come and talk to us. I told her you might be busy but I'll ask."

I sigh, as much as I'd love to spend time with Camille's classmates and tell them about life as a "superstar" the security detail that required was tiring to think about. I find a way to turn Camille off the idea. "Are you sure you want me up there? I mean, I'm gonna bring a bunch of baby pictures and call you baby girl, and say how you used to like your waffles cut in hearts.." I tease.

Her eyes widen, "I'll ask mom." She says walking off. I chuckle sweetly.

Rayne walked in with Michael on her hip and her phone in her hand, a chuckle coming out of her lips. "Camille told me you said you'd embarrass her on career day."

I grin, rolling my suitcase to my closet door. "Yeah, I just don't wanna shut her school down with security.. I feel like that's more embarrassing than everything combined."

"I get that. Don't worry, I'll go and tell the kids how I used to 'draw pictures for a living' her words not mine" she giggles, her eyes never leaving the screen.

"You've been into that phone all day. Who's so important? Derrick?" I chuckle, although I was slightly serious.

"I know, I'm sorry." She says setting the phone next to her. "What's with all the questions?" She smiles.

I shrug, "no reason.. just wanted to know what you're hiding." I joke.

She frowns, "hiding? Mike I'm not hiding anything." She folds her arms.

"I'm joking." I smile, "you've just been very secretive today."

"I have not.." she responds

"Yeah, you have. But it's fine."

"You honestly think I'm hiding something from you?" She asks.

I couldn't help but laugh at her question, "all I'm saying is you have seemed a little distracted today. That's it."

The way she looked at me was disheartening like she couldn't believe me and I was honestly confused. "I thought we settled this...this is about Andre isn't it?" She asked.

"It might be. I don't know. Maybe we didn't settle it.. just because we had sex doesn't mean I completely forgive you." I admit.

Her mouth dropped, "I told you it was my fault Michael. I apologized. What else do you want from me?"

"I want to be able to trust you!... and I can't right now.." I say in a higher tone. "You almost cheated on me Ray, how am I supposed to just move on about my day like that never happened.. honestly I'm nervous to even go to New York next week. My trust is broken."

She breaks her eye contact with me and shakes her head. "If we weren't alright why did you pretend we were? I broke all ties with Andre. You know I'd never do anything to hurt you.. why won't you understand that?"

"Ray this is gonna take some time.." I say heading out the room.

I hear her scoff lowly as Michael runs out behind me. I guess I thought I was ok but I wasn't, I hadn't truly forgave her.. and I'm not really sure when I will.