My Little Secret

Chapter 16 {Edited}

Everyday seems to get harder and harder. Chloe seems to be getting worse of a night.  I can’t wait for her to get all her teeth. I haven’t spoken or seen Garry since that awful night.  I haven’t even been to school.

“It’s time you go back to school Tina,” my mum tried to argue with me.

“No. I’m not ready to go back.”

“Why don’t you want to go to school,” mum asked me.

“I had a fight with Garry and just don’t want to be around him. I broke up with him, that’s why he hasn’t been here,” I whispered.

I haven’t told my mum what happened that night three weeks ago. She would be so upset, so I hid it from her.  But I didn’t want to talk about it. It’s hard enough that I think about it every day, even when I try to sleep of a night.  The pictures of that night just play over and over.  It hurts so much; I’m not ready to face anyone or tell anyone about it.

“Oh honey, why didn’t you tell me it was over with you two?” Mum asked.

“I didn’t want to talk about it and I still don’t, so don’t bother asking because I’m not talking about it,” I replied.

I walked away knowing my mum was going to keep asking me and I wasn’t ready. I walked up to Chloe’s room to change her for our day ahead.  I decided we were going to go to the park and watch the kids play. It was a nice beautiful Monday morning, the sun was shining and I didn’t want to stay inside all day.

Chloe was getting so big. She’s now crawling all over the house. I have to chase her to make sure she’s not trying to pull things over. She’s seven months old in three days’ time. It seems to be going too quick. Soon she’ll be one and nearly walking. I don’t want my little girl to grow up. I wish she could stay a baby and innocent forever.  I don’t want her to know what this crazy world is like.

We arrived at the park and I was surprised there weren’t as many people here as I thought.

“Oh bubba, not many kids here today.”

Chloe liked to watch the kids run around.  It seemed to keep her amused while I sat and thought of all the things that have happened over the past few months. Chloe would usually sit in her pram and laugh and smile at all the little kids; soon she’ll be joining them.

The hours seemed to fly by.  We were at the park for two hours before I realized we should go back home.  ‘It’s nearly lunch time for miss piggy,’ I thought to myself.

“Ready to go get some lunch little piggy,” I asked Chloe. She just smiled and we started to walk home.

I haven’t even seen Garry’s mum, she’s been so busy with work.  I don’t even think Garry told her we’re not even together anymore. Not that it really matters because she’s just as nosey as my mum, and they won’t let up until they know why we broke up.

We got home and I put Chloe in her walker.  I couldn’t trust her to lay on her play mat, so she was safer in the walker while I made her some lunch. I got out her frozen vegetables my mum makes every week and put them in the microwave to heat and defrost so she could eat it. Her favorite is mashed potatos and pumpkin.

Once I was ready I put Chloe in her high chair and got the spoon and that out.  Just as I sat down the doorbell rang.

I opened the door and there stood Garry.

“What do you want? I told you to never come back here,” I spat at him.

“I wanted to apologize. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m really sorry baby, please forgives me,” he said.

“You’ve got to be joking. Get away from me and get as far away from my house as possible!” I yelled at him.

Chloe was in the kitchen crying for her lunch. I tried to close the door on him, but he blocked me.

“Don’t tell me to get away.  My daughter is in this house and I want to see her,” he yelled back at me.

“No. She’s about to eat her lunch and you haven’t been much of a father for the past few weeks, so just do us all a favor and go away before I ring the police,” I said calmly as I closed the door and locked it.

That didn’t stop him though.  He stood outside yelling and kicking at the door to let him in, but I wasn’t a fool. I knew what he wanted and he wasn’t getting anywhere near Chloe.

She started to scream. She knew I was stressed and upset so she started to cry. ‘Great, just great,’ I thought to myself.  I’ve got him outside carrying on, now Chloe’s upset.

“Shhh little bubba,” I hushed at Chloe.

  “Twinkle, twinkle, little star,

    How I wonder what you are.

    Up above the world so high,

    Like a diamond in the sky.

    When the blazing sun is gone,

    When he nothing shines upon,

     Then you show your little light,

     Twinkle, twinkle, all the night.

     Then the traveler in the dark,

     Thanks you for your tiny spark,

     He could not see which way to go,

     If you did not twinkle so.

     In the dark blue sky you keep,

     And often through my curtains peep,

      For you never shut your eye,

      Till the sun is in the sky.

     As you’re bright and tiny spark,

     Lights the traveler in the dark.

     Though I know not what you are,

     Twinkle, twinkle, little star.

     Twinkle, twinkle, little star.

      How I wonder what you are.

      Up above the world so high,

      Like a diamond in the sky.

     Twinkle, twinkle, little star.

      How I wonder what you are.

      How I wonder what you are.

I sang to my little girl as I tried to get her to sleep after her lunch. She didn’t really eat much because of all the noise outside. She was being a cranky little bum.

She finally went to sleep after singing the same song three times. It was only three in the afternoon, so I decided to have a nap before mum and dad got home and Chloe should be awake in about four hours, perfect time for dinner, so I’ll sleep for about two hours before I get up and get dinner.

I couldn’t even be bothered going to my room, so I slept in the reclining rocking chair. It was good enough to sleep in for a few hours.

But I couldn’t sleep because Garry was still outside asking to be let in. He’ll give up soon. I put some soft music on to drown out the noise he was making from downstairs.

I didn’t even realize I had fallen asleep. The only thing that woke me was my mum opening the nursery door to see if we were awake or not.

“Sorry honey, I didn’t mean to wake you. I was just checking in,” mum whispered.

“That’s okay, I should have woken up ages ago,” I replied.

“I thought I’d get take out for dinner. I got Chinese,” mum said with a smile on her face.  She knew that was my favorite.

Chloe was still asleep, so I crept out and went downstairs to get some dinner. I was starving. I didn’t even have lunch today because of Garry.  ‘I needed him to leave me alone.  I need to move on with my life and for the sake of my daughter,’ I thought to myself.