Bits and Pieces

Blue

Okay, so I was a bit angry when I wrote my last little drabble, haha. I think my emotions are a TINY bit more in check now. We'll see. This is not a sequel to that other story--this is a whole separate thing. Enjoy.

It's funny how some days are completely ordinary. They pass by without incident and leave no impressions or memories. And other days are so filled with adventure and emotion and color and sound that it's hard to process them all at once. You don't want to waste the moment documenting it, but if you don't, you know you'll lose crucial pieces of it to forgetfulness. A couple days ago, I put on a big orange jumpsuit and got onto an ATV and drove up the side of a volcano. I can't even make that sentence up. It's too surreal. I wish my brain were better equipped to store all of these precious memories.

I've now seen the Northern Lights and I've seen massive, icy waterfalls, and I've seen firework shows that lasted for hours as a new year began. I've been witness to a whole new world compared to the one I know. And then, something truly life-changing happened.

On paper, it was nothing really special. Just me and Scott posing for a photo in a blue lagoon. But it was as if all these tiny pieces of perfection lined up from one end of the universe to another to make that moment. I know it sounds overdramatic. But I promise, it was perfect.

Imagine it, this massive hot tub, full of sky-blue water. But it's not really blue. And it's not really clear like it is in every other kind of water I've been in. It's milky white, somehow taking on a perfect blue cast under the huge sky. And this time of year in Iceland, it's never really "daytime." It's mostly blackness, with a few hours of dawn and dusk each day. It makes for the most beautiful sunrises and sunsets I've ever seen, turning the sky all sorts of jewel-bright colors. This time last year, my skin had burned quickly under the unforgiving Fiji sun. Here, even at the height of the day, it's nowhere near warm.

Except for here in this gorgeous lagoon. The water was body temperature, or maybe a bit more. I stayed crouched down so that only my face was exposed, and even that I covered with a special face mask for several minutes. I could feel my body relaxing, could feel my muscles loosening up after days spent tight and shivering. It was a beautiful moment, and then the sun broke through from behind a cloud for a moment, turning the sky a stunning mixture of blue and gold. I could see mountains in the distance, and though there were other humans nearby, I couldn't shake the feeling that this was a completely different planet. I turned to look at Scott, grateful for the way he could make me feel safe and at home no matter where we were.

"This is so wild," I whispered.

"I know," he replied, stretching his long arms and then huddling back under the warm surface of the water. "I can't get over the color of this water!" He let some of it pool in his cupped palms and then watched it spill out, shifting from cloudy white to flat blue in color. I copied his movements, mesmerized.

"Stand together guys," Shawn called then, his ever present camera making an appearance. I was actually a bit glad to see it here. This was a place I wanted to be well documented for when my weak memories couldn't recall it.

Scott and I moved toward one another, and I expected him to stand beside me and sling his arm over my shoulder. It was a pose and a feeling I knew well, and my body angled itself automatically to meet his. But side by side didn't seem to be enough for Scott Hoying today. He took a step backward at an angle, and when my body shifted, he moved around behind me, intercepting me gently.

Look, I know I'm probably going on too much about this, that I'm making it sound like too big of a deal. But something about the heat and color of the water and the weak sun in that massive sky and the cold air in my lungs and his familiar hands on my hips... It all melted together into this quiet little explosion of ecstasy. I felt it turn my lips up into a wide, genuine smile. I felt his chest cover my back as he took his usual role of big spoon to my little spoon. I felt his scruffy jaw move alongside my ear. I felt his arms wrap all the way around me, holding me securely to him. I felt...alive.

I let my head fall back an inch onto his shoulder and fought to keep my eyes open and aware of all of this. It would be easy to just shut down and float in this beautiful moment. His embrace alone was all I really needed to float my way on up to cloud nine. But there was still the sun and the sky and the water and the mountains and the other people and the frigid air and the camera clicking away as it captured our smiles.

When enough pictures had been taken, Scott turned his head slightly and left a soft, whiskery kiss on my cheek. I did close my eyes then, as though my lids were weighed down by the millions of things that had to go right to get us right here at this exact moment. I thought of all the tour dates we'd sold out and all the records we'd sold and all the songs we'd written together, and all the videos we'd filmed. I thought of all the money we'd made and spent, all the silly things we'd bought and the sensible things we'd neglected. I thought of the lavish vacations we'd turned down in favor of this one, and the list of friends we'd drastically narrowed down to keep things manageable. Of course, this place was my dream and not Scott's. But it would have been worthless to me without him here beside me. I intertwined my fingers with his under the water's surface and gave them a grateful squeeze. Someday I would have to figure out how to thank him for this. For now, the gentle pressure of my hands would have to do.

And then he turned me carefully in his arms and I let my eyes open slowly. I kept them low at first, staring only at the white-blue water as it lapped at his golden, freckled chest. But then that became too difficult to look at without leaning in to taste, so I glanced up at the face I know better than my own. I took in his strong, bearded jaw and his perfectly curved lips, up and up further to the laugh lines at the corners of his eyes and then I gasped. Because who cared about the sky or the mountains or even this impossibly warm pool of water in this stark and icy climate! There was no color, no pool, no world more beautiful than Scott's blue eyes when they were shining for me.

Without thinking I leaned forward, and his smile widened as though he'd been waiting for me to make the first move. Our lips met just once, quickly and covertly, and then the water slithered its way between us again and we were just two boys side by side in a pool. He didn't let go of my hand though, not right away. And I knew that for a long time, I'd revisit this perfect memory whenever those blue eyes found mine.