Soluna (Camren)

Chapter Twelve

Lauren liked to consume her thoughts with impossible possibilities and 'what ifs.' The idea itself was damaging, Lauren knew, but she couldn't help it. She liked to ponder all these alternate realities her life could have taken.

What if she was born to a family with no circus?

Lauren would've had her chance at a "normal" life. There's the possibility she could've gone to school, had her own room, make her own friends, and make decisions over her own life...but then...

There wouldn't be her precious animals like Rosie and Mufasa—maybe she would've never found love for animals.

She wouldn't have Ally, Dinah, Normani, Ashley, Selena, and everyone that were part of the circus. They all were practically her family.

And Camila. Their lives would have never crossed. Maybe.

What if her father never died?

Then Lauren would have never been thrown all this responsibility of the circus—there would be nothing holding her back from living her life.

She imagined she would have met Camila, and maybe things would've turned out better. Maybe they would've run away together like the reckless teenagers they were. Maybe they could've been together. Maybe.

What if she let Camila join the circus with her?

Maybe they could've been happy together forever, maybe not.

Maybe they needed the 10 year separation, maybe not.

But if Camila would've joined her, would things have been solved? Would having Camila by her side make her feel better about having no control over how she lived her life? Maybe.

What if she fought for Camila?

Then the sun would be happy with the moon. Maybe.

What if she left the circus?

Then she would have finally made a decision for herself. Maybe.

Lauren always pondered these ideas—sometimes it was these ideas that got her through the day. And Lauren liked to think there was an alternate reality where life turned out the way she would have liked, that in another world...she was happy. Truly happy.

At the end of the day, Lauren was aware they were merely thoughts—dreams. Maybe even hopes. The thing about those terms, however, was that there was always a chance it wouldn't work out. And to her luck, they never did.

Lauren stepped inside her bus, walking over to her coffee maker and making herself a cup of coffee. She was slightly hung over from last night, still, and needed the energy for today's shows. Lauren only had two more days before the circus had to pack up and leave to the next town, so she needed to keep herself together. She hoped things would work out in the end. She truly hoped that she and Camila would work out.

Lauren loved Camila with all of her heart, and she knew their love was strong. It was so strong that they found each other again. That couldn't be a coincidence—love wasn't a coincidence. It was spontaneous, impulsive, reckless...it was a storm—maybe even a hurricane. It was nature, something that happened so naturally...love was both destructive and cleansing.

Lauren chuckled as she added sugar and cream to her coffee before taking a sip and humming at the taste. Lauren liked to think too much, it was both a blessing and a curse.

The door knocked and Lauren raised an eyebrow before shouting. "It's open!"

Selena stepped inside. "Hey, I was looking for you last night. I figured you were at Camila's." she smiled softly.