1
Most of the time, I leave the house and walk to Tony's. I buy two Root beers, sitting by the empty 7pm benches and watch Fred Motoski humiliate himself, singing Maria, a song about his ex. He sings with too much earnestness; I listen to the words, a lot. He sings, ''Maria, you left me in the midst of the lily pond and you whispered goodbye and sent me home to Australia.'' I think, that's deep. He is a bad lyricist or whoever who writes his stuff, you know but it's relaxing and so I always go there on Fridays, after hurriedly messaging my friends that today, no nightclub, more earth. Earth equals Fred. After, I walk back to the house, slightly tipsy. Then I meet my neighbour two doors to my house. He is always there sitting on the stairs watching the ocean. I pretend I can't see him but I really think he is beautiful and don't want to look so that I embarrass myself. No, I won't look.
Today, Tamara is the only one who asked if I needed a break from Psychology classes with a taste of vodka. I peeped at her message from my notification bar and decided I wouldn't reply. Then she called. I had forgotten that my mobile automatically answered because I changed that setting for Fred who liked to call every hour, every day.
''Away from the world?'' Tamara asked. She was in a loud room, probably hers, getting ready, makeup and all. I heard Stacy's laughter.
''I'm just going to be with Fred in a few. What's up? Is it Club Outré today?'' I teased, feeling detached with the party scene that I had been avoiding but most especially feeling away from my best friends.
''You're twen-ty.'' Tamara dragged and I could imagine her struggle to apply lipstick while trying to coolly ask me to come with them...because squad, us. ''And isn't Fred a looser? No offence?''
Fred. I sighed. ''Fred is a musician.''
''You mean failed Berkeley graduate?'' Tamara started.
I tried to keep my tone low. ''Let me call you back. Fred is here.''
I quickly cut and switched off my phone.
~
I had arrived at 11:09pm. Fred was super stressed because Roger, the music coordinator at Tony's wouldn't let him perform since a famous actress was about to arrive. Fred was for the empty bar hour at 7pm. Fred hadn't played at 7pm, however because the Rooty's band had been playing.
''Selfish. I just knew! Roger probably received a lot of cash for this. That son of a Dog! Oh, I hate Louis!'' Fred paced in circles. We were in the dressing room. He was so frantic the veins on his strong arms could burst. He was all dressed up tonight. In his usual satin, blue shirt, unbuttoned to expose his luscious chest hair, and expensive black jeans. His small acoustic guitar (his band) lay on the floor abandoned, waiting to be wrapped around his body.
I looked up from the desk. ''Louis is coming?'' My skirt skidded upward, slightly.
Fred glared at me. ''See what this does to girls?''
I laughed, my throat croaking and my eyes hitting the ceiling light. ''Louis is absolutely goals and all, and he sings amazing. Oh my, just my night.'' I gleamed.
''Go stay with TamTam.'' Fred started, glancing at me again.
''Oh, shut up. You're just upset because Louis is the best.'' I stood up, double-checked my winged eyeliner and red lipstick. ''Louis is just like Leonardo DiCaprio mixed with vodka.''
Fred rolled his eyes and sat on my chair. I stood still above him. He grabbed my legs and wrapped his arms around them. I continued to stare at my winged eyeliner, now doing different poses, my heart beating fast. The desk bulbs shone on my chest. Fred leaned on my rear and shut his eyes peacefully. My mind did somersaults. I cleared my throat and disentangled his arms from me. I looked down at him with false courage. He looked back and tried to lean in, closing his eyes but I gently pushed his face away. ''There's only so much more Maria ever wanted.'' I sang a line from his last song.
