Roses; Shawn Mendes II

Thoughts

"Let go."

•••
(Okay listen to memories while reading this chapter!!!)

Shawn.

I woke up to hearing someone knock on the door. I sat up and looked around. I found myself in my music room, I must've fallen asleep in here last night. I looked at what was in front of me and seen my handwriting.

I scribbled some lyrics on a paper and seen doodles of crappy looking roses. I sighed before putting all my papers together and putting them away. I got up and looked at my phone to see what time it was.

It was almost 11, crap I really slept in. Then again I slept really late last night. So much was on my mind it was impossible to fall asleep. I stretched before walking to the door.

"Dude what are you doing in here?" Ian asked when I opened it.

I scratched my head, "I don't know, I must've lost track of time and ended up passing out in here."

He looked around before he sat down on the chair I just got up from, "You've never done that before. Penny for your thoughts?"

Ian was one of my very close friends, someone who was there when Alex left. He knew me better than I knew myself. I sighed before closing the door.

"Not really but I hate what I'm feeling, I just feel confused." I tell him.

He looked confused, "Confused about what?"

"My feelings." I confessed and he nodded his head.

"Ah you mean Alex and Daniella." He said and of course he knew once again.

I ran my hands down my face, "Yeah them."

"Well what's so confusing, you're engaged to Daniella. Alex is your best friend. It should be pretty easy, you can't have them both Shawn." He tells me and I walk around the room.

"I know that Ian, and it's hard to explain. I'm engaged to Daniella and I care about her, I mean this is what I've wanted." I say knowing deep down I did.

He walked over and patted my back, "Then it's not as hard as you thought. Shawn...Alex is going to move on just like you did. It's going to go back to high school days, where you both seen other people. You've got to let go, of her and these feelings." He told me.

I groaned, "I'm trying to Ian, really hard. Trust me, it sounds and should be simple. But it's not I get I need to let her go but I can't."

I walked over to the piano and wanted to play. Something to distract myself but my fingers never touched the keys. They stilled and I closed my eyes releasing a shaky breath.

"Shawn, you're getting married to Daniella at the end of this month. Alex will be going back to New York for work, where she lives. She'll find someone else, fall in love, get married, and have kids. That's how life is." He told me and I shook my head not wanting to think about any of that.

I opened my eyes and looked at him, "I know that Ian."

He walked over and sat down next to me, "Then do it, end things with Alex. Don't stop being her best friend but don't lead her on when at the end of the day you're sleeping with another woman. Getting married to another woman. Alex and Daniella don't deserve it, especially with all the shit Alex has already gone through."

"What if when it's all done and over I realize I've made a mistake? What do I do then? I'd break both of them. Daniella for leaving and yet if I marry Daniella I'd break Alex." I say feeling both my head and heart hurt.

"Then you've got to figure it out before the wedding Shawn. You can't keep them both happy. I'm not going to chose sides, yes I hardly know Daniella but you're my best friend. If you're happy getting married to her then I'm happy for you. Alex, she's one of my best friends too and her happiness means a lot as well. You can't lead them both on bud." He says before patting my back and getting up to leave.

I looked at my frozen hands, "I love her still Ian. I don't think I'll ever be able to stop and that scares me. If I choose Daniella...I don't think I can go back to being just friends with Alex."

As I said that it was like someone was stabbing my heart. Each word felt like I was drinking acid. It burned to say it and hurt to think it. But it was the truth.

I know a guy and girl can be best friends. Hell thats been my life since I could walk. Alex has been that best friend but my world changed when I started to develop strong feelings for her. Then when we dated they grew stronger and stronger with each kiss, hug, laugh, and 'I love you'.

It hurts to see her be happy which is extremely selfish. I know. Because even if she does feel something still, she's still here to attend my wedding. She still wanted me to tell her about it, even after our breakup. Even after I broke her heart and didn't talk to her for so long. She still wanted me to tell her about my wedding.

But I couldn't have. I couldn't have seen the girl I gave my entire heart to. I couldn't let her be here. It just brought me pain.

Ian stopped by the door and looked back at me, "Then tell her before the wedding. Don't make her sit through that and get even more pain. You and I both know she doesn't deserve it, stop trying to be her friend and comfort her. Just stop."

He said the last part painfully before leaving the room and closing the door behind him. I knew it must've been hard for him, none of the other guys knew. He was best friends with both Alex and I.

I sighed and stilled my shaky hands. I've caused Alex so much pain already I needed to stop. I had to tell her before the wedding, before I cause more pain. I knew at the end of it all she'll hate me and that's what made telling her even more hard.

I was going to be the one to break her heart and that destroyed me. I placed my hands on the piano and started to play a melody. I played what I felt, what hurt, music was always my remedy for my emotions.

I felt a tear roll down my cheek and quickly whipped it away. I wasn't one to typically cry but at the moment I was broken. I was lost.

I closed the piano and sat there with my face in my hands. I let out another shaky breath and felt defeated. I felt frustrated that I couldn't have done something years ago. I could've went after her or just be happy for her.

I didn't know what to do and just wished this much pain wasn't on me. It's taking a toll on everything I was and everything I felt. It was weighing down my heart and I couldn't breath.

I was drowning.

Authors Note//
Aww my poor heart. I actually cried.
I love memories so much but now I'm more emotional.
Let me know what you think.
Until Next Time Peace Lovelies🤘🏼💚