I Want To Be | Malum

6

Calum pulled the ropes closer to his chest, loosening his grip every once in a while as he strolled through the hallway, strolled, (because walking too fast would give people the wrong idea, and he didn't want others thinking that he was eager to go to psychology, even though he was). He blinked a couple of times, quickly dived into the bagel he was holding since he couldn't be bothered with a real breakfast this early in the morning, and he danced with himself as he counted every single locker and memorized each number on the combination locks. He was getting closer to having answers, to understanding things that shouldn't even be looked into, and he wanted Michael, but he also wanted the late nights to stop. He was tired of being up all night thinking of the one person it's wrong to think about.

Calum met himself in the dark, drowning in forced smiles and laughter that could be heard from down the hallway, and it was, it was – it was Michael, and it was the possibility that his teacher was off being happy with somebody else, and that assumption was almost completely correct with the way he was positioned against his chalkboard with a woman that the brunette has never seen before. She was like. . a dead plant that somebody forgot to water, or a burnt cookie that nobody wanted to touch, but she was also beautiful, beautiful in the way where she made everyone else look ugly. (Which made Calum wonder even more – maybe that's why he didn't have a chance, because he was far too young, and he was a boy. Michael was probably more into girls, anyway.)

Calum rushed inside while holding his backpack by the strap with his first three fingers on his right hand, and he gulped a couple of times and crinkled his forehead because he was trying so hard to get his teacher's attention but nothing was working. The woman in the room was far more important, and Michael didn't look much like a blossoming tree with those leafy green eyes anymore. He looked like a person. . a person that Calum couldn't be bothered with because this was wrong. It's not right to daydream about being with your teacher.

"Good morning, Calum. I didn't see you come in," Michael spoke in a monotoned voice, and Calum nodded his head once just before looking down at the textbook he pulled out minutes ago, and he was waiting, waiting for class to start so that he wouldn't have to look at this lady anymore – but it seemed like she was getting the message and she decided to raincheck whatever it is that was going on. That made the brunette both happy and guilty. He wasn't sure which he felt more of. "How are you today?"

"Tired, hungry, ready for death," Calum joked, and Michael's eyes widened before he realized that the Maori wasn't serious, and that felt so nice – he wanted his student to be alive. . for more reasons than one. "I'm - I was kidding, don't ever take me seriously."

"Right, right," Michael gulped, and he started playing with the tie attached to his collar, and Calum watched him for a split second before looking back down at his paper. Don't stare, it's not polite, he'd think to himself, but he's so fucking nice to look at. "I was thinking that you could be my assistant today."

"For what?" Calum questioned in a quick manner out of fear, and his pupils started dilating again, (something that he didn't realize), and Michael smiled softly to himself. Smiled. His smile was like camping out for a night and staring up at the stars. It was like. . taking an eyelash off of somebody's cheek and telling them to make a wish, knowing that they'd wish for something like. . happiness, or love. His smile was like a warm cup of coffee in the morning, like a bird soaring through a pink sky during sunrise. His smile was like realizing that tomorrow is a new day, and that the bad things in life won't last forever. They never do.

"Well. . we're doing a demonstration today on the theories of emotion. I just need a volunteer to show the class what influences or makes people act or feel the way that they do, and how these theories others have made are true," said Michael, and Calum immediately shook his head because he was unbelievably afraid of speaking out, of getting laughed at, of people noticing that something was going on between him and his teacher – though it was nothing but what went through his mind.

"And - and what exactly are these emotions you're asking me to pretend to feel?"

"Don't worry, Calum. You won't be pretending."

That wasn't assuring at all, Calum would think, I don't want to do this, but I want to stay on his good side. The Maori took a deep breath and stayed put in his chair until the remainder of the class showed up. When the bell rang, he could feel all of his nerves bundling up, and his veins were popping out of his forehead and hands, and he wanted to run out of the classroom and hideaway in the bathroom, but he couldn't. He couldn't because Michael was looking at him like he was a clouds very first raindrop, and. . that made him feel special. "So, today we will be doing demonstrations on how the brain and body react to certain emotions. One of your peers will be our first volunteer. Give it up for Calum."

The brunette shook inside of his seat for a split second, and he looked over at Luke who was biting his fingernails, then at Ashton who had this skeptical look on his face, and he just ignored it because that's what was best right now. "Um - I don't know what I'm doing actually," Calum mumbled, and the class laughed at his awkwardness, and the Maori tried his hardest to calm his nerves, "I'm supposed to act out emotions, I guess."

"Here we have a stack of cards associated with a certain thing that can trigger a specific feeling," Michael announced to the class, handing each of them to Calum, who was too clumsy to hold them and ended up dropping them on the floor. Michael laughed a little bit too in a friendly way and picked them up for the lad, his jawline clenching a bit. "Ah that's okay, I'll just read them for you."

More laughing, Calum thought while rolling his eyes, so much for fitting in. He looked over his shoulder and noticed that everyone was either looking at him or Michael – and he was hoping the majority of it was on his teacher because he didn't do very well with attention. "First word is – oh," Michael chuckled slightly, "infatuation."

Calum gulped, his eyes widening the slightest bit, his mouth numbing. It was like he was stuck on replay and he was forced to move, though he couldn't. He couldn't because he didn't have much of a choice. "I can't act out having an infatuation with somebody. I have to actually feel it. ."

"I know," Michael smiled gently, looking at his class just before returning the eye-contact the two were lacking. "Just pretend that I'm your wife, and we are having an argument or something. Show the class how you'd react."

Calum nodded, stuttering over his words a couple of times before he finally regained composure of himself. This had to have been a set up – maybe he knew. "You. . you were everything to me, and you went out and started talking to that – that whore who was just. . standing there wearing those heels she could hardly walk in and that ugly business suit that didn't even match her red lipstick and – and god, you're a fucking idiot!"

Michael gulped, knowing that this description was exactly of the female he was chatting with earlier, and he couldn't help but think that Calum was maybe jealous of what was going on. (It was wrong to think, but perhaps it was the truth. He could easily look into it, but he was trying not to.)

"Well, she's made for me, you know?" Michael yelled in defense, trying to keep the act up, the act – because that's what it was. "She's actually my age, and she knows how to cook, okay? You could never do that."

"Oh fuck you," Calum spat, feeling angry and sad all of a sudden, but then the class started clapping because they put on a great 'act', and the brunette felt sick to his stomach. "S' that – that all I have to do?"

"Yes," Michael smiled, though he wasn't really happy inside, only confused. "Thank you for demonstrating anger, sadness, and confusion, all behind the topic of infatuation."

Calum nodded, instantly sitting back down. The rest of the class didn't even pay attention to him — which was good, they didn't think anything of that scene. And he was confused because this wasn't drama class, and Michael was giving an entire lesson on why these emotions were being felt, and he just tuned him out. He tuned him out because Michael knew – and this could be either the beginning of something, or the end. He was just hoping for the latter.

-

A/N;

Thoughts?

Not a great chapter bc it's 1am ha. I tried though. Enjoy! :)