At First Sight

7.

I chuckled as she walked away disappearing into the crowd. I checked my phone again to see if Erica text me. Where is this woman? The lights dimmed low I guess that meant the show was about to start. I found a table in the front of the setup so Erica can see me when she hit the small platform guise as a stage.

My phone dinged with a text. I'm here. I go on first.

I looked up as someone tapped the microphone. "Hello everyone. Welcome to club Gia and thank you for attending poetry night. I'm Gia and I'll be your MC for tonight. Here I welcome our first guess to the stage with her lovely words. If you follow her work you know you'll need those tissues so bring them out and put your hands together for Erica!"

The room applauded. Erica stepped on stage. Her tiny frame was covered in a long deep purple dress. The way the fabric hung from her body made her every movement look majestic. Her waist length kinky hair flowed down to her shoulders. Erica was a hipster personified and she had the piercings to prove it. The eyebrow and the nose. Her dark skin glowed in the dim light. I closed my eyes letting her deep raspy voice wash over me as she began to speak.

"I remember the day clearly. Trying to act brave for the person on the other end of the phone, but my world just crumbled. I remember walking into the building because my life had to go on even though hers had halted. My heart floating. I didn't remember when the tears started, I just remember the people surrounding me. I don't know how I got through the day. A shadow of myself. A shadow of you. I screamed and cried but nothing can fill the hole you left in my heart. That place where you belonged you pushed through it, the force of it rocked me."

I sat with my eyes closed as she describe her emotions on the day my wife died. I felt her pain, I feel it every day. I relive it every day. I wish I could go back to that last week of her life and spend every minute of it making her smile. That week before she went into labor we'd had the biggest argument we've ever had. I was a dick to her. All she wanted to do was spend time together before the baby arrived but I was too busy with work. She'd said she understood but this could be the last time we could be alone together in a while before our lives get busy with the baby. I snapped at her because I was under so much stress with the company and the baby coming. Everything was changing so fast. I felt like I was drowning in responsibilities. And I failed to realize that she was too and she needed me. All she wanted to know was that we were in this together. Words were said in the heat of the moment and she stormed out and that was the last time I saw her alive. When I got to the hospital she was already in surgery. I wasn't there to hold her hand and I can't forgive myself for that.

I opened my eyes as the room filled with applause. Erica thanked the crowd before making her way to me.

"Here," she handed me a tissue. I took it wiping my eyes. "You want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Okay. You have to forgive yourself though. Can't carry that around forever."

"Yeah, yeah. Save that shit for your poetry."

She took a seat at the table. "So, where is this woman you blush about when you speak of her?"

"What? I don't know who you're talking about."

"Boy, don't play dumb." She looked around the club, eyes searching. "Okay, it has to be her. The cute one over there serving drinks at the bar." She looked at me. "Mm-hmm, that's her. Look at your face!" She laughed.

"Shut up." I touched my warm cheeks.

"Aw, you have a crush. You should invite her to your birthday bash."

I shook my head. "She's not going to come."

"You never know."

"She's going to think it's inappropriate because I'm her boss."

Erica frowned. "But all your employees will be there. Just go invite her! Hurry up I'm hungry and you're treating."

I rolled my eyes taking out my phone. "There. Done. I sent her a text."

~~~~~

"Hope, come on sweetie we're going to be late!" when she didn't answer I walked down the short hallway into her room. She was sitting on her plush purple carpet in her school uniform playing with her shoelaces.

I went in kneeling in front of her. I grabbed her shoelaces to tie them. "What's wrong, honey?"

She lifted those sad brown eyes and said, "I'm sad I don't have a mommy."

I sighed sitting beside her. "You do have a mommy, sweetie. She's just here in spirit."

"But I can't talk to her."

"Sure you can."

She cocked her head to the side. "Will she hear me?"

"I think so."

"Do you talk to her?"

"Yeah. I go to where she's buried sometimes and I sit and talk to her."

"Can I go?"

"Uh, yeah. Tomorrow is mommy's birthday. How about we go there and leave her beautiful flowers."

"Yeah! And candy!"

I chuckled. "I don't think she'll need candy."

"Daddy?"

"Mm?"

"Is... mommy a zombie?"

I laughed. "No, sweetie. Come on let's get you to school."

"Oookayy."

~~~~~

The entire at work that conversation with Hope this morning kept replaying in my head. She never asked about going visit her mother's grave before, but she's getting older and can better understand things so maybe it's time. I can't imagine what's going through her little head about not ever being able to meet her mother. I do everything I can for her but I know that I can never fill that hole in her life and I hate that my little girl has to go through something like this. The only thing I could do is tell her every day how much her mother loved her even if they haven't physically met and touched. To go a lifetime without a mother's love is unimaginable, thank god Ericka is around.

A knock on my office door causes my eyes to lift from my computer screen. "Yeah?"

Riley poked her head in. "Busy?"

"Not really. What's up?"

She walked in closing the door behind her. I looked at her hesitantly. You could never know what will happen with Riley. She's like a sour patch kid, sour than sweet. The beginning of our brief relationship, a year ago was amazing, she was the first woman I dated after Aya. But then something changed in her and I had to distance myself.

She came around my desk turning my chair around to face her. I looked at her arms on either side of me. "Riley...what are you doing?"

"I missed you." She held my chin between her fingers.

I looked into her eyes. Riley was a beautiful woman, gorgeous. Any man would be lucky to have her if they can deal with the dark side of the coin.

"Riley, we talked about this."

"Yeah, yeah. You're not ready to date. You don't want to settle down. You're not over the death of your wife. Yada Yah," she mocked my voice. "But why is it you're all over your shiny new employee?"

"Michelle? There's nothing going on between us."

"Don't lie to me." Her grip tightened on my chin.

I gently removed her hand from my face. I stood up from the chair holding her arms to her body. "Listen to me. My personal life is no longer your concern. Can you please leave my office so I can get back to work?"

She jerked away from me walking out of my office but not before giving me a death stare. Erica was right I should have fired her a long time ago, but had no legal reason to. Turns out you cannot fire someone just because they're your ex, even if they're a little unhinged.