The Countdown // Phan

Chapter 1

Trigger warning: There is a mention of self harm in here!
I'm not just throwing it in here to make the story more 'dramatic' but it actually has an use further on in the story, I promise!

Dan's POV

4375:19:54:37

"What do these numbers on my wrist mean mummy?" a 5-year-old Dan asks his mum, pointing to the numbers on his wrist. "And why are they moving constantly?"

"I cannot tell you that yet sweetheart, you are too young. You'll not understand. Please stop asking untill your dad and I think you're ready" my mum answers annoyed. This was the second time I had asked her today.

"But mummy, I'm 5 years old already! I'm ready. Please tell me" I say, on the edge of crying.

"Oh honey, come here" my mum says while she pulls me in for a hug.

"Look Daniel, it's not that I don't want to tell you. We just don't think you're ready just yet. It's hard to understand" she says against my neck.

"But mummy I really want to know" I say, still crying.

"What's going on here?' my dad ask while he comes in my room. He probably heard me cry.

I'm still in my mums arms but I can almost feel my parents having eye contact and agreeing on something. Suddenly my mum starts talking again.

"Darling, do you know what a soul mate is?" my mum asks me.

"No" I reply, because I don't.

"Well let's explain that first, shall we?" I hear my dad say.

"A soul mate is like a best friend but more. It's the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It's someone who makes you a better person, well, actually they don't make you a better person, you do that yourself because they inspire you. A soulmate is someone who you carry with you forever. It's the one person who knows you, and accepts you for you. They believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens, you'll always love them."

I stay silent for a while, trying to progress all the new information.

"But what has that to do with the numbers on my wrist?" I ask confused.

"Well the numbers on your wrist are counting down to the moment you'll meet your soul mate" my mum says nervously.

They then decide to pick me up and carry me to bed. While my mum is tugging me in she says:

"Good night Danny, don't worry too much okay? You'll know what to do when time is ready"

And with that my mum left the room after my dad. Closing the door and leaving me alone in the dark.

But now, almost 12 years later, I still have no clue what to do.

I'm currently lying in bed after a long, exhausting and awful day at school.

I didn't care I just came out if school and still was in my school uniform, I just wanted to take a nap. While I put my duvet on top of me I notice the small numbers on my wrist...

02:23:16:54.

2 days, 23 hours, 16 minutes and 54 seconds.

Not much had changed since my parents told me about the weird meaning of the numbers. Still nobody exactly knows why we have these strange numbers on our wrist, we just do. The only thing we do know is that they're counting down to the moment you will meet your soul mate.
The numbers are constantly moving, ticking down to the moment you will meet 'the one'.

Everybody always was so fed up about the strange numbers, about the one true love of your life. But me, not so much. I didn't believe in it. Life had showed me often enough that there didn't exist something as 'love'. No, all there was, was dissapointment and people taking advantage of that.

Take me for example. I, Daniel James Howell, 17 years, brown hair, brown eyes, weird dimples and gay.
Maybe to you it doesn't seem like there is something wrong with me, and there wasn't, untill almost 2 years ago. Then I decided to be completely honest with people. I decided to come out to people as gay. First to my parents and later to my friends.
As you can guess that all didn't go as planned. My parents took it as bad as you think. They screamed at me for an hour straight and they still, after almost 2 years, can't look at me the same way.
Needless to say that my friends didn't take it any better. That just shows how shitty of friends I had back then as I now have none left.

From there on it all went downhill.
What should've made me more confident and happy, did the opposite. It ruined me.

It happened exactly as you read in books. It started little, just a slap against my arm or someone innocently pushing me up against the locker. Soon it started to become more and more serious and now school is a living hell.

Well I guess this explains why I don't believe in love. It just can't be real, otherwise why have I never experienced it? What did I do wrong?

I had been thinking about this longer than I realized. When a loud noise brings me back to reality I realize I'm shaking. I listen carefully. After a few seconds I hear a car outside starting the engine. I walk to the window, just quickly enough to see my mum's red car turning around the corner. This meant I'm home alone.

She didn't even tell me she was going, she just left. Just like everything in life.

I keep staring out of the window only to turn around after a few minutes when I realized I couldn't stop shaking. I need to get control over myself again. So I walk to the bathroom and lock the door. That's an odd habit I have. Even though I'm home alone, I always lock the door.

I reach behind the toilet to grab my razor I had hidden there. This was the only way I could get control over myself again. It's no big deal, I do it all the time.

I push up my sleeve, revealing my arm, already covered in cuts.

One or two extra cuts won't hurt, right?

And with that I let the razor sink into my flesh. As soon as I see the blood leaking from my arm I feel a weird satisfaction. So I cut again, and again and again...

After a few minutes I decide that this will do for today. I open up the cold water tap and let the cold water clean my cuts.

A few moments later, when the cuts have stopped bleeding, I close the tab, hide the razor behind the toilet again and unlock the bathroom door.
I walk back to my bedroom to do my homework, in other words, to stare at my homework while finding any reason why I shouldn't just end all this misery.

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Hii, so first of all THANK YOU FOR READING THIS! It's the first chapter of hopefully a phanfiction I'm going to finish!
This is my first ever fanfiction I'm writing so I'm very well aware of the fact that it sucks. My writing is not good in anyway, I just hope it makes sense and is not too 'obvious'.
Not the less,you decided to read it so a big thank you to you! I hope I can update later! Again, thank you for deciding to read this story!

Xx