{Avenged} My Nightmare {Sevenfold}

{Avenged} My Nightmare {Sevenfold} [12]

“Well….” he mumbled, “Its just it took you guys a while to get back tonight.”

“Johnny are you serious?”

“Zacky thinks so too!”

I quit talking and quickly cleaned my plate. I rinsed my dishes and put them into the dishwasher.

“Lindsay if you need me for anything before tomorrow I’ll be in my room.”

She nodded and I walked upstairs. I slammed my door for good measure. I felt a bit immature but I just wasn’t sure how to deal with all of this frustration and emotions that were starting to swirl inside me. I had all of this stuff in my mind but I didn’t know who I could talk to about it. I didn’t want to cause any trouble between my brother and his friends.

I sighed. I needed to know something. I grabbed my phone from my desk and dialed a number.

“Kathy are you ok?”

“Maybe.”

“What’s wrong? I’m coming!”

“NO! I just need you to answer me something truthfully.”

“Ok?”

“Did you tell Johnny you thought something might be going on between me and Matt?”

“I was just suggesting….”

“So you did.”

“It’s not like that Kathy!”

“It’s a yes or no question Zacky. Did you or did you not?”

I heard him muttering under his breath before he huffed out a yes. I hung up the phone.

Tears were filling my eyes. My head felt like it was going to explode.

“Jimmy I need you now,”  I whispered staring at the computer screen waiting for a message to pop up. Instead I got a pop up notification about a new email. I opened my inbox and checked it out. The new mail was a monthly subscription update from a blogging site that I used to have an online journal on. I bit my lip. I hadn’t written there since I had dealt with my parents death. It had helped me sort out my thoughts then, maybe it could help me now. I didn’t think any of the guys would still be checking there. It had been years. I logged into the site and opened a new journal entry.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 22, 2010, 10:59 p.m.

Well it’s been a while since I wrote here. I guess I’ll just go with my usual type of entry. Like I’m talking to someone since I have no idea how else to write this. So…Jimmy is no longer with us. Well at least not physically. Truth be told I still talk to Jimmy, and no I don’t mean just staring into the distance and hoping that he’s up there listening. I get IMs from him. I know that the guys won’t believe me so I haven’t said anything to them. I know that they would think it was someone just pranking me but in my heart I know that it is Jimmy. It’s really been helping me to try and deal with things. Things like bringing our baby into this world. I’ve been doing my best to make sure that this is a happier world to bring our baby into but I’m so tired of trying to pretend everything is alright. I miss Jimmy. I feel like I’m turning my friends against one another. I know that I’m going to be causing more fights tomorrow when I announce my good news to our friends. Sure they will be happy for me but there will be a few who will be envious as well. My brother is fighting with his closest friends. Guys that before this happened he considered his brothers. Now they are fighting over whether or not their feelings for me are appropriate. I don’t know what to do. I wish I had Jimmy here to hold me and tell me everything would be alright. I want to be happy again. That’s all I guess for now.