My Hidden Love Will Never Die

Chapter 5 : A Flashback

*This is a flashback chapter that will shed some light*

It was the end of Ivory's junior year...I was at my locker about to leave for first period when it slammed shut."Hey, what the-" And then I saw Sage there, and she had that look. I got quiet."Hello to you too. You free tonight?""Uh, maybe why?""Yes or no?""Yeah, why?""Good, you're sleeping over tonight." And before I could protest, she walked away. When Sage usually does something like that, she has a plan. She wants something, and she's going to get it. And that's what scares me.I've been thinking lately. Anyone who knows me knows that's never good. I had a dream the other night, one I shouldn't have had. It was about a girl. More specifically, Sage. I shouldn't have had it, but I did. I shouldn't have liked it, but I did. I hate myself. I'm tearing myself up thinking about this. I don't know who I am anymore. Why me? I rang the doorbell on Sage's house. She opened the door and let me in."Where to?""My room, upstairs." I went up the stairs. I could tell her parents aren't home. Wonderful. I stopped at the door of her room. I turned back to her and she nodded. I opened the door and awkwardly looked around."Sit, you can drop your stuff anywhere." I dropped my bag near her closet and sat on the corner of the bed, my back to her."So?""So..?""Are you going to tell me what I want to know now or am I going to drag it out of you?""What do you want to know?""Why have you been acting weird lately?""I don't know what you mean." I am actually praying she can't tell when I'm lying."I can tell there's something. You don't talk to me as much. You're not even facing me!""Nothing is wrong, Hop." Even if I could tell her, I wouldn't know where to start."Ivory. Ariana. Adams. I may not have known you for long, but I know you well enough. Now, tell me what the hell is bothering you." I couldn't bring myself to face her. I could feel the tears welling up and my face getting hot. I can't. I can't tell her."I'm sorry Sage. I know I've been acting different. I'll act better, I promise!""Just tell me." Next thing I know, she's in front of me. She grabs my hands. She squeezes them gently and the tears start to fall."I'm sorry Sage..""Sh.. It's okay. Just talk. I want to help." She held my hands for a few more seconds and then pulled me into a hug. She hugged me tight, and I felt myself losing control. I tried to shake loose but she just keeps pulling me. I give in only slightly. I hug her back, enjoying the warmth of her embrace and the comfort it gives me. I feel safe in her arms, and I relax. She rubs my back and strokes my hair, and the feeling I recognized as calm soon becomes anxiety. I feel myself letting go completely. I want to give in so badly, but I know the outcome of this situation. I can't tell her, I'll lose her. She pushes me out of my thoughts and sits me in front of her."Whenever you're ready, I'll listen. You can trust me." I couldn't determine the tone in her voice. She seemed curious and furious all at once. I have to play my cards right..."I.. I had a dream.""Keep going.""It was about a person. I shouldn't have. This person... they're totally off limits. I could never have them in a million years. And it's not even the dream that bothers me. What bothers me most is that.. I liked it. I liked thinking about this person.. It made me happy. But it's wrong..." She started to laugh."Are you kidding me?" She got off of the bed and walked around, laughing."What's so funny..?""I'VE BEEN SO WORRIED OVER A BOY? HA. I THOUGHT SOMETHING BAD HAPPENED. WOW. That's actually a relief, I needed a good laugh." I don't know why, but that was it. I lost control."IT WASN'T A FUCKING BOY, SAGE." She stopped laughing and looked at me."What?""It. Wasn't. A. Boy." She walked closer and looked at me again, with confusion and what I think was fear."What did you say?" How many times do I to tell her? Why can't she just understand? I don't know why I did what I did next, but I did. I got up off of the bed and I grabbed her. I put one hand around her waist to hold her close, and one at her cheek to hold her closer. I pulled her in, and it happened. I kissed her. I actually kissed her. I pushed my lips onto hers, and every part of me was shaking. Her lips felt the same as how they felt in my dream. They were soft and warm. They weren't moving, and neither was the rest of her, but I didn't care. I was kissing her. It was as amazing as I thought it would be. It all felt like a lifetime, but it was probably in a matter of seconds. And then she came to her senses. She grabbed my arms and threw me off of her. I fell back onto the bed. I didn't want to see her reaction, I was scared, but I had to know. She had a red face, same as mine, with confusion and fear. She wasn't saying anything. I didn't want to, but I had to give her something."You. I dreamed about you. I dreamed about that, about kissing you. The dream, it freaked me out. But the worst part was.. I thought about it. The more I thought about it, the more I thought about you. And the more I thought about you, the more I really wanted to kiss you and found myself liking you. This is why I've been acting different. I don't know how to act around you. I didn't want to say anything so that I didn't lose you. I'm sorry, I'm gonna go." I brushed past her and grabbed my stuff. I felt the heat in my face die down, only for the tears to swell up. I didn't want to cry, but I couldn't stop the tears. Nice job Ivory. You kissed her, and now you lost her. I went to walk out of the room but she hugged me from behind. I didn't know what she was doing so I froze."Don't leave. Stay, let's talk this out. I have an idea." Despite every sense telling me to leave, I sat on the bed. I stared at the floor and waited for her to say something."So, my idea was this: You like me, I know you like me. Even though I know, doesn't mean that our friendship has to change. Maybe just.. forget it happened?" I thought that would be difficult, but I'd do anything to avoid losing her."Okay, I can do that. I promise, we won't talk about it ever again." And I sure as hell planned to keep that promise.