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Dear Laleh,
I sinned today.
I don't know why I'm telling you this but I felt the need to let you know just what you do to me. I've dreamt of days where you show me the world through your eyes and nights where I unravel mine; you. I've dreamt of delicate kisses and walks by the fountains hand-in-hand and I wonder, what have I ever done wrong? Have I upset Allah in a way in which He believes I don't deserve you? These dreams tether on the fragile harmony of pain and pleasure. Heartache from the could have beens and comfort in the what-ifs.
Today was no different.
I dreamt of you; of us. We were happy. It wasn't a special day, ordinary in fact. But I cherished it like every moment I've spent with you. When I awoke, you were there. You were there with me, hayati, my mind had betrayed me- it was all so real.
I could feel your warmth as your chest rose and fell in soft breaths. Golden shards of light created intricate patterns on your skin, ones I wanted to trace over and over again. Strands of darkened brown framed your face and you looked the most peaceful I've seen yet. In the next moment you were up, by the windows with the silk material gracefully wrapped around your sinful form. I had chastised myself then for daring to picture you in such a way. But believe me, if you could see the way in which you moved; so eloquently and with such dignity yet so, so sensual.
You had seen something, through the window, your laughter bubbling up and your eyes crinkling at the corners as you looked back at me. How could something so pure be so sinful? I smiled back, enveloped in your ethereal glow- the sun had encircled your shape and you looked so heavenly. And just like that, you were gone.
In that moment I decided it was all worth it. I would endure every punishment Allah had to offer for a thousand years if I had to. You are worth every minute I spend waiting and dreaming of slept in mornings and tangled sheets.
When you come back, and I know you will come back to me Laleh, I'll be right here waiting for you.
