French Lover; Antoine Griezmann

Chapter Eight

There is such sadness in leaving a place of strong love, a place where fond memories grew as fast as the clover in the grass. I know I will savour each memory so strongly that it will almost live once more. I know that the strands of love will keep us together even when we are far apart. I only have to reach out with my mind and there he was, waiting to shower me with the love he had given me for the past few days. I wouldn't have ever thought I'd fallen in love with a man I met so quickly, so fast. But right now it is my time to depart, to do what I was born to do, and that was to continue with my writing. To make the changes and the sacrifices that are necessary. And I was only hoping he'd realise that me leaving him didn't mean that I loved him any less, but more.

I looked into his breaking eyes as he only smiled back.

"I wish I could stay in this country forever," I heaved a sigh, closing the gap between us. He moved my hair away from my face and placed both hands on my cheeks.

"I wish you could," he smiled, and then took a deep breath.

We stared at each other for a while and soon enough, a break of tear escaped from his eyes. And, seeing him hurt, hurt me too. I threw my arms around him as I cried into his chest, grabbing his shirt tightly.

"Calling for passengers of flight 2512 to New York, we'll be leaving in thirty minutes," a clear voice was sounded through the airport's speakers.

I pulled my luggage away as I slowly walked a few steps away, feeling every piece of my heart breaking.

"Wait! Before you go," Antoine called, grabbing my wrist.

He fished out a small keychain from his pocket, resembling the Eiffel tower. Underneath, it was carved with our initials.

"K & A," I smiled, looking up at him.

"Anto-" he pulled up his finger and pressed it against my lips. And then, he closed the gap between us and our lip connected, for the last  time.

I got on my flight, a long dreadful flight. It was different than when I was on the way here. I was excited, thrilled and happy with what was coming for me. And now, I was just going back. Going back to where I came from, as if nothing happened.

If you personify love even in times of trouble, of hardship or war, then you are truly one of the mighty. I see how no matter the stresses laid upon you, that you show more grace than many do in times of plenty. It is in those moments of pain and fear I see right to your soul and know that my faith in you, my love for you, is eternal.You are brave, kind, always giving of yourself. I want you to know that I will be the same for you; I will be your mirror, bring you what you give others - true love, the lasting kind.

In your words I am safe because they aren't just words. You are there every day, every year. You are there in the good times and the bad. Even knowing my faults, of which there are many, you are there to listen, to defend, to love. You understand my anxieties, my triggers and the ghosts that haunt me, driving actions that are so illogical to others. In return I keep you safe with my words, my deeds. I am the one who will always be there for you, be honest with you, listen and care. I won't always have answers for you, you won't always have answers for me, but you will never be alone in your problems and neither will I. So today I will paint you a picture of my love with words, and then everyday I will prove they are true.

I finally took all my courage  to click the button at the far end of the screen.

Sent!

I rested my back on my bed before Ky sat beside me, knowing I've finally done what I wanted the most and that was to write my own novel, based on what I experienced.

"You did it," she breathe, turning to look at me.

"Yes I did," I replied.

"Then why do you look like you're not happy about it?"

I remained silent.

I have always been a giver, warm and loving. Even as a child I never cried, seeking to make others happy. Often people sought me in times of trouble and I gave all I had - my whole heart and showered love upon them. By age nine adults leant on me, told me of their woes and I was their spark of light. Yet when my time to suffer came, when my world was a hurricane of ice, every light but one switched off. All but one offered a skinny love, shallow and brief, before finding a reason to excuse their flight. But maybe that's the way it had to be, one light to follow, no choice but to walk toward love and truth. Perhaps the road toward heaven feels like hell. Because I can tell you I never felt more empty in mind, body or soul, never so bereft of any comfort. I have never felt so worthless or disposable, never so wretched and cold. For hours I would have no emotion, only an urge to move fast; then all at once I'd be on the floor, shaking with a grief that bled from my bones. Days became weeks and months, and in every single moment of every single day my soul asked God why I must still live. He said, "Because I love you, daughter, and you will do great things. So live, breathe, walk." Moments of emptiness still come like an ambush, yet in company of a true friend a real smile can return, a real laugh, real warmth. I can't give much yet, I'm still too empty, but at least now I know who to give it to. I know who is safe.

Yet, I didn't know what was missing.