Anxiety Helpline

Intro...

Hello there. My name is Olivia. I struggle a lot with anxiety and panic disorders so I decided to write about it.

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People who experience anxiety all experience it in different ways. For some, maybe it's a constant fear of being around and talking to other people. Others, maybe they can't sit still and concentrate in a quiet testing room. For me it's this and more. It's the constant overwhelming fear that people are judging and criticizing your every move. It's the shaky feeling you get driving on a busy road or in between cars. It's always feeling like you're being crushed by an uncontrollable weight. That no matter what you do or how hard you try, you can't get free.

Don't get me wrong, my anxiety and panic disorder have shaped me to who I am today. Sometimes I wonder what it might be like if I didn't have them. Maybe I'd have better grades and be more organized. When this all started in 7th grade, I'd honestly thought that it'd be temporary. Every doctor and specialist I've been to say the same thing. "Eventually you'll get used to it and you won't even notice it." Or better yet, "you'll get over it." But the truth is you can't. It's been 6 years and I'm still not used to this feeling. I haven't gotten over it. There's no way to be used to it. To get over it. You just can't. Every time an attack happens, you learn something new about it. Whether it be a new way of coping or what may have started it.

When my attacks happen, a lot goes on. People always ask me what I think could have triggered it, but I never know. Maybe it's a loud crowded room. Maybe it's stress. Sometimes even just the overall atmosphere (i.e. dim lights are the worst) of a place could set me off. When it happens, it's not just the racing heart and the immense nervousness. There's a ringing in your ears. There's dark spots wherever you look. You sweat, you shake, you cry, you panic. You try to find a way out, any way possible. But sometimes that's hard to do. Most people find their way out through some form of distraction. As this is my number one way of coping, it's the only thing that ever really works, even though not all the time. I've tried many ways to cope with my attacks, being friends, medication, art, music, silence, being alone. Not a lot of these work. That being said I'm always looking for new ways that might.

Every therapist I've been to has to me to write down and, journal, if you will, about what happens when I have an anxiety/panic attack. Where, when, why and what helped. I've had this plan in my head for a few months. I've always been super into trying to help people who have similar problems that I do. My plan, to use this book as a form of journaling. Using chapters as entries, to write about my experience I may have just had, including what happened and what helped. My hope is that this may help someone else. Someone else with similar struggles to mine, and maybe make a new friend along the way. I will keep obvious restrictions, (names, places, personal things, etc.) at a minimum. I've always been interested in writing and helping people, so why not start now.

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PLEASE. IF YOU EVER NEED HELP WITH ANYTHING. BE IT ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, ANYTHING. PLEASE DM ME. I WOULD LOVE TO HELP YOU IN ANY WAY I CAN. (Note all messages will be kept 100% private)

IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR WAYS OF COPING, AGAIN. MESSAGE OR COMMENT ASKING FOR ANYTHING AND I'LL INCLUDE IT IN AN ENTRY.

xx O