The Doubt of Moving On (l.p)

Chapter 23

Chapter 23

It was silent for a few minutes. My eyes darted around the room, avoiding the brown eyes that I fell in love with last year, until they connected with the bright brown eyes I’m in love with now. I knew what she was thinking in that moment. She wanted to leave Elise and I alone to sort things out but I didn’t want to be alone with Elise. I remembered a while ago when I would’ve given anything to speak to Elise once she woke up but now that the moment finally came, I was too much of a coward to actually speak up.

“I’m going to go get a doctor.” Ruby whispered loud enough for Elise and I to hear. I nodded my head but I knew my eyes were begging for her to stay but Ruby didn’t meet my eyes. Instead she stood up and turned to Elise and said, “It’s nice to know you finally woke up.” Then left after giving Elise a genuine smile.

I didn’t say anything for a long time because I didn’t know what to say. After months of waiting for Elise to wake up, to finally understand why she did it, I couldn’t bring myself to repeat the words I had in my mind all that time ago. 

“I heard you.” Elise finally said. My eyes snapped to hers but she wasn’t looking at me, she was looking at the ceiling, not in a fearful way but rather that her head was more comfortable like that.

“What?” I asked. Her head slowly inched to look at me and her lips were turned down at the corners and her eyes were glassy with tears.

“I heard you, every time you spoke to me.” She stated. My eyes widened. She heard? How? I didn’t think she could hear a thing since her mind was practically dead.

“I wasn’t aware of being in this room with you but I heard everything you said like they were dreams except they weren’t really dreams. I felt like they were flashbacks, like you’ve already told me what you felt about everything.” She replied. 

I stayed quiet for a little while. “And?” I asked.

“And I want to say I’m sorry for hurting you as much as I did. I’m sorry you had to go through all that pain because I was selfish and a dick. I’m sorry.” She apologised.

I should’ve been happy, right? To finally hear her apologise for the pain she caused me. To finally hear what I’ve needed to hear for a while. But I wasn’t happy. I was far from happy. Her apologies reminded me of everything I felt in those days. She reminded me of how I could barely function because of how hurt I was, how I trashed my apartment because I was so angry, how I got drunk almost every other day to wash away the pain and anger in me. 

“‘I’m sorry?’ Is that all you have to say? I’m sorry’. You hurt me, you deceived me, you broke me fucking heart and all you have to say is ‘I’m sorry’?” I hissed at her, standing up and pointing an accusatory finger at her.

I wished she showed some emotion at my anger. I wished she showed some surprise or some anger for her to retaliate or some shock that the composed guy she met last year was long gone. But no, she just looked at me with calm, no signs of anger or shock or surprise. She just looked like she was expecting it.

“What do you want me to say, Liam? Tell me what you want to hear and I’ll tell you.” She said submissively. 

“Fine, how about an explanation? If you really did hear me when I spoke to you, you’d know that almost every visit I wanted you to give me an explanation.” I told her, slumping back in my chair with my arms crossed tightly around my chest. I could feel my arms flexing as I clenched my hands into tight fists.

“Okay, I’ll give you one.” She complied. She took a deep breath and sat up, fumbling for the remote that could bring her mattress up. Silent tears leaked out of her eyes and she hastily wiped them away. “Do you remember when we met at Manly? I was sitting on the gutter and I was really fidgety? Well, a few minutes before that Sam came up to me while I was half drunk and half broke. She promised me two thousand dollars if I helped her by getting with one of the member of One Direction. I was broke so of course I agreed and she told me that you were heading up the street and I had to act innocent. So I did.