I thought about you today, as tears fell down my face. A hollow feeling entered my soul as I pressed cold steel against my skin my hand shaking sobs rising from my chest killing my body. I couldn't do it. I threw the knife away letting my sobs take over my body. I had such a great day and then I came home to see that message... I loved you couldn't you see this is why I distance myself from my emotions and why I had to distant myself from you. I felt my love but you didn't you didn't trust me. We fell so far apart it used to feel as if we were always together despite being millions of miles apart and now it's like I'm falling rushing to catch up to you not wanting to lose you but knowing I had to. I tried so hard couldn't you see that? Every time you were away I stayed true for you even thought I knew you didn't... I know it's been hard for you but it's been hard for me too. I needed you your voice your laugh your smile I needed to know you were happy like I needed oxygen to breathe and when you left you took my air away long months you would leave and I would struggle to breathe through it all, and when you came back it was like everything was finally alright again but it wasn't because I knew you would leave again. I loved you so much but I guess it just wasn't enough for you maybe in another life maybe if we met later maybe if... maybe if I were better I just wanted to be better for you I tried so hard couldn't you see? Even with tears streaming down my cheeks now all I want to do is please you to make you happy to see you smile because without you I'm empty like half of a heart struggling to keep my blood pumping on my own but falling behind failing to keep up. I'm breaking and you don't care... you meant so much and it was so hard to let go and im sorry im sorry for every smile every laugh every "I love you" spoken but I can't take it back because I do. I missed you so I lashed out and you left for good. I know that now you aren't coming back. So to every memory every tear every smile every laugh every "I love you" and every single moment I spent wishing I were there with you that I could hold you that I could make you mine for everything.... here is my final goodbye
