WELL GEE
LOOK WHO'S BACK WITH THE DEPRESSING CRAP
YEP
THE LIL BALL OF WORTHLESSNESS NAMED ME!!!!!!!!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
Yeah, I'm in the low of the low again.
I have no idea why.
But for the whole week [oh look, I mispelled it with weak. WELP NO NEED TO DWELL ON WHAT I CLEARLY AM], I've been on the verge of tears almost every day.
And I have no idea why.
I want to be beat up.
In pain.
AT LEAST THEN I COULD FEEL SOMETHING OTHER THAN NUMBNESS.
Or how about someone shoots me?
Not enough to kill me, because I do not deserve the easy way out of just dying. BESIDES I'M TOO MUCH OF A DANG CHICKEN TO DIE.
But enough to make me feel pain!
A LOT OF PAIN
Like... shoot my leg repeatedly.
And my arm.
But not my dominant arm.
I still need it to make crappy vent art and type crappy vent stories that have somehow been called good.
Then leave me in the street to get beat up.
Then let me drag myself home.
And not tell a soul about it and pretend everything's fine.
Because who wants to hear about my physical pain? Not me! And besides, I'll just be accused of doing it myself by my own mom!
Wow, I nearly put brother their!
Am I REALLY that pathetic?
That I wish for my unborn siblings that I have created forms for in my head [like a lunatic! I even TALK TO THEM AT NIGHT WOW] would exist to listen to my crap?
Do I really wanna burden THEM with THAT?!?
But yeah.
I really do want someone to beat me up!
Because then I will at least have a reason to cry!
BUT WAIT!
I CAN'T FREAKING CRY.
BECAUSE LITERALLY EVERY BONE IN MY BODY ALWAYS MAKES ME NOT CRY WHEN I MOST DESPERATELY WANT TO.
I could say need to, but that just makes me even more weak than I already am!
I just want to curl up in a ball and cry on someone's shoulder
BUT I CAN'T
BECAUSE WHO WANTS ME, THE FREAKIEST 14 YEAR OLD IN THE WORLD EVEN TOUCHING THEM, LET ALONE CRYING ON THEM
Oh, and now, there's a little voice inside me that I personally need to tell TO SHUT UP ALREADY! ARGH, IT's THE WORST THING!
Except it's me
BUT I'M THE WORST, SO THAT WORKS!
In short...
Everytime I think, an internal cynical lil butt that is my lil inner voice of depression just feeds me this stuff.
And I wanna yell just shut up.
But I can't.
Because then I would look crazy.
Crazier than I already am.
So I just have to deal with the lil jerk in my head telling me all this crap with my lil snarky voice.
I hate it.
Or, in short, I hate myself.
I want to slam it out of my head.
But that would lead to me being dead, in a coma, or left with permanent brain damage.
SOrry you have to hear all this.
You're probably all sick of it.
I just have a snarky little voice who I want to go away right now.
oh and my throat feels like crap, SO THAT'S FUN
