The Girl Who Doesn't Speak

Chapter 16

I give her a small smile. "I'm okay, Blue. Really."

Blue shakes her head. She is right. I'm not okay. Nothing has been okay since Tiffany died. I didn't know who I am without my sister. I miss her so damn much. I just wish she could be here with me right now. I would do anything to be able to see her face again.

I look out over at the dark sea, trying not to let the tears fall. "I feel lost, Blue. Ever since my sister died I just feel really empty inside. I don't know what to do with myself. My parents don't even know what I'm feeling. Since Tiffany and I were twins, I don't think anyone really understands the twin bond we had shared. I haven't been able to move on at all, or to find something to make me whole again. For these past three months I have been surfing as a way to keep my mind occupied, but I don't think I can keep pretending how much it hurts without her here."

I pause, turning to face Blue. "When my parents decided they want to move, escape the memories of this apartment, I thought how could they leave this place? I have grown up here, and I can't leave the memories of my sister behind me. I knew that eventually we had to pack up my sister's belongings, but it feels too soon to pack them away. It feels like she was never a part of our lives."

Blue stares at me in silence. I was hoping she would say something, anything to comfort me with words. I would do anything to hear her voice, and for her to say my name.

Blue moves closer to me, embracing me into a hug. My heart leaps through my chest as our bodies made contact. The feel of her arms around me made me not want to let go of her at all. The emptiness inside of me disappears. The feeling I had in my room the other day with Blue returns. I have no idea whether or not if she felt anything last time, but this time she must have felt something.

Still wrapped in a hug, we lift up our faces to face each other. We were so close that I could feel her breath on mine. I stare at her lips while she stares at mine. I was just about to close the gap between us when the sliding door opens, making us jump apart.

"Sorry to interrupt," Dad says. "But would you two mind coming back in here to finish dinner? Riley, we will continue this discussion later about your sister."

I don't answer and head back inside. Blue follows straight behind and we sit down at the table with my parents to resume eating. For the remainder of dinner we were silent.

After dinner I help clear the table. Mum sits down on the couch with Blue while Dad and I do the dishes. Blue sat a far distance from Mum, who had put on the television to ease the silence.

"Riley, I know you don't want your sister's belongings to be touched, but we need to so we can move." Dad hands me the dishwashing detergent as I turn on the hot water.

I took the detergent from him and squirt some of the green liquid into the water, which instantly turns to soapy bubbles. I hand the bottle back to Dad, who sits it on the windowsill.

"It feels like we are getting rid of the things too soon."

Dad rests a hand on my shoulder. "I know, son. I don't like the idea either, but eventually we will have to pack them up. I know it's hard, but we need to move on. Holding onto her isn't going to make her come back. I don't mean we need to forget her, and she will always have a place in our hearts."

Right. That's so easy for you to say. You aren't the one who is missing a piece of you, and feels so empty inside, I wanted to say, but kept my mouth shut. The truth is I didn't know how my parents felt deep down inside. I don't know if they feel what I feel. They were both grieving a very different way to how I was grieving. They mourned for a child while I mourned a sister.

I nod, staring at the water, watching it rise. "I know, Dad. I just feel so lost without her."

Dad pulls me into a hug. As soon as he does, I cry into his chest. I stay in his arms for a short time before pulling away to turn off the tap before the water over flows.