Never Again

Chapter 24: Lies

Her mouth had gone dry and she used the time before the podium ceremony to get herself something to drink. After a few minutes she sat back down and wrapped her hands around the warm cup of tea, resting her arms on one of the cushions. Her timing had been perfect she noticed because they were just about to start the ceremony. Seeing the podium reminded her of Ferrari's glory days and how the German anthem followed by the Italian one had turned into the official Formula 1 anthem. They announced the third place driver and Kimi walked out on the podium, his face blank as usual and no emotion was visible. She grinned, he hadn't changed at all. Then they announced the second place driver and her heart stopped at once.

She felt the air escape from her lungs and the cup of tea slipped out of her hands. The hot tea spilled on the floor, but she had only eyes for the TV. This couldn't be, she was hallucinating, she must have been hallucinating. She could recognise those blue eyes everywhere, no other eyes could capture here attention like this. Even his blonde hair, although messed up from wearing a helmet, was somehow very familiar. This wasn't a dream, this was actually real life and she was really watching Sebastian stand on the podium. He looked different wearing a Red Bull suit and the determined look in his eyes showed a whole different side of him. Her head was spinning and she only took in half of what was said on TV, she only had eyes for Sebastian. His smile was the same as the one she knew and the way he was joking on the podium showed her that it really was Seb and not someone who looked like him.

What was going on here, why hadn't he said anything about this? They knew each other long enough she thought and she couldn't understand why he would keep this significant part of his life from her. Maybe he didn't trust her or maybe he didn't want to be associated with her, it was all possible. She suddenly felt nauseous and her stomach tightened, this was not happening to her. Just as she had started to trust someone again, life had intervened to mess it all up. She couldn't tear her eyes away from the guy she had spent so many hours with for the past few weeks and his voice with that slight German accent made her hands shake. The strangest thing was that her past collided with the present when she saw Seb and Kimi laughing together, even stranger was it to see that someone apparently was able to melt the Iceman.

She stood up and her feet immediately got wet, only because of this she noticed that she had dropped her tea. She couldn't remember doing it and cursed herself for spilling it and was glad to notice the mug at least wasn't broken. Despite how ill she was feeling she went to the kitchen to get something to clean up the mess. When she knelt down with a cloth in her hand she could see tears falling to the floor, they were her own. She didn't know when she had started crying and she hadn't even been aware of it. Long after the tea had been cleaned up she kept wiping the floor, even when her arm had gone numb she kept rubbing the floor. Anger fed her desire to keep going and she only stopped when all her energy had gone. She leaned back against the sofa, trying to get her head around everything. She couldn't get the image of Seb holding his trophy out of her head and besides feeling kind of proud she mostly felt anger. Anger directed at Seb, but she was also angry with herself, for not following her own advice. She had promised herself not to get attached to someone again, because after David she had endured enough pain in her life. Fear was starting to set in again, afraid of what was coming next.

She put her head in her hands and pulled on her hair, trying to feel something different than this sick feeling in her stomach. The TV was still on and of course they were interviewing Seb at the moment, he was smiling broadly and it felt like a punch to the face. Not wanting to get up to get the remote she kept watching and hearing his voice calmed her down somewhat. His voice always had a suiting effect on her, even if she didn't want it to, like now. She wanted to hate everything about him, but she couldn't forget all the good things about him. Not that she still trusted him, but the attraction she felt towards him was still there. His eyes were as mesmerising as ever and she couldn't unglue herself from them. It was so strange to see him on the screen and the fact that he was a double world champion was a fact she couldn't get her head around. He was on a par with Alonso and she could remember him winning his two championships, joining the legends. Now they were both fighting for their third one and although Fernando had the upper hand, she knew that Seb wouldn't make it easy for him. It was weird to think about Seb in the same lines as Alonso and Räikkönen, because they were supposed to be two different worlds and now they weren't.