fucking vent bullshit ahead bc i literally can't do anything fucking else
also drawing requests would be cool or whatever
i just don't understand what i'm doing wrong. i get so close, so fucking close and then you shut me out again and it hurts. it hurts real bad. you mean the fucking world to me and i hate it because i'm nothing! i'm nothing! i'm nothing to you!! Hahahahahaha isn't it funny how that works
i want to scream because i think i love you a lot and i'm scared of what you'll do. will you leave me? will you leave me? will you leave m
i don't want to be alone oh god they already left me, one by one and every time you hesitate and don't respond i want to fucking die i would change myself i would change everything for you but i don't know h o w
if i act cold you don't seem to mind
if i act eager i'm overdoing it
if i act neutral is it enough? am i enough? could i ever be enough?
it doesn't matter anyway because you will never love me like i love you and i know that and i can almost accept it but then when you seem happy with me i can't help wishing and wondering and overthinking every single detail, in case
???????you might love me back???????
even though i know i'm not good enough for you i'm not a nice or good person i am shit i am shit i am shit i am s h i t
they've all left and won't you too? you will realize who i am behind the stupid jokes and resent me and i will too because i wasn't good enough you could never be satisfied with me and maybe you shouldn't be
i talk about the future like i'm going to be there for yours
