I Am A Monster

I Am A Monster : Chapter 52

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Chapter 52

The next few days pass in a blur of sorrow and hate. I don't talk to anyone, but spend most of my time sitting on my bed, crying. Emma, Amari, Sabrina, and Marcus come in to visit me twice a day, but I never give any sign that they're there. I'm in a state of depression, and none of them can bring me out of this state. Maybe Mark could, but Mark is dead, along with my parents, and along with my last hope that anything can ever happen.

Hope has always been inside of me, even in the most hopeless times. It's been a talisman in my chest, glowing brightly, muffled and ebbed and receding and diminishing but never quite disappearing completely. Now, it's been snuffed; it's vanished completely and utterly, and not a trace is left. It's like a fire in a snow forest, burning off smoke and giving hope, but every now and then flickering feebly; and then it dies out and the wild animals come out and terrorize you. Now, to have hope gone, I feel...empty. Hollow. Like nothing matters anymore, like I can die and I won't even care. The feeling is so utterly helpless that it just makes me feel, if possible, even worse.

The attack is going to be this afternoon. We've decided to prepare ourselves as best as we can, and then attack, trying to get the prophecy over with. Amari doesn't know anything about it, and we haven't told anyone, either, just in case word gets around and eventually goes back to Amari. We don't want Amari to know that she's been handed a death sentence; it would be too hard on her.

Amari likes to be prepared for anything. If she finds out that there's something coming her way and there's nothing she can do to stop it, and that she's completely helpless, she'll try to alter the prophecy. And, apparently--according to Sabrina, at least--altering a prophecy is forbidden with some of the most ancient werewolf laws. It will kill any werewolf involved, which means that thousands of us would die.

I look over at the clock. It reads 2:04. We're leaving at three. I get out of bed, drying my eyes on my sleeve, and get into suitable battle clothes: ripped jeans, a frayed T-shirt, and combat boots. I go to the bathroom and brush my knotted hair quickly and impatiently, brushing my teeth too.

My wolf self has gone used to being hungry and thirsty, and, since I've been in a state of depression for the last few days, it has ignored the pangs of hunger trying to get into my stomach. But now that the battle is so close, the hunger pangs are back. I'm weak, famished, and parched, and to top it all off I'm going to battle in an hour.

I tie my hair into a messy bun so that it won't get in my face during the battle. My eyes search my hands; they're mostly back to normal, except looking a little weather-beaten and rough. I find myself walking to the main room. Thankfully, my eyes look normal again. They're the normal soft brown, but there's something different about them, something I can't place.

With a shock, I realize that it's a broken look. I'm broken.

I find myself in the main room. I get some waffles and orange juice from the serving lady, then sit down at the nearest table, alone.

Someone slides into the booth next to me and I rip off another piece of waffle and then, chewing, look over. It's Marcus. He's not looking at me, but looking at his hands. He's having a thumb war with himself, though with each movement the other finger reacts half a second before, due to the fact that they're operated by the same person.

I reach over and gently pull apart his fingers. He looks up at me.

"Bree, everyone's acting all weird lately," he says quietly. "Especially around Amari...."

To be honest, we didn't even tell Marcus, due to the fact that he spends a lot of time around Amari because they're siblings.

"Don't worry," I tell him, trying to find strength in my voice. "It'll be fine."

"But you're the only one I can ask!" he says desperately, blinking back tears now. "You know! Everyone else shuts me out!"

"Knowledge isn't always a gift," I reply stonily.

Amari catches sight of us and traipses towards us. She sits in the booth across from me.

"Hey, Bree," she says coldly, a note of anger in her voice. "Done hibernating?"

"I wasn't hibernating," I reply.

"Why won't you tell him--?"

"You were eavesdropping?" I ask, my voice raising.

A small blush colors her cheeks. "So what if I was?"

"Amari, you can't know! It'll kill you!"

"What--you think I'm not strong enough?" she demands, getting to her feet, her eyes ablaze.

"No!" I cry. "No matter how strong you are..." I bury my head in my hands, trying not to cry again, blinking rapidly.

"What is it?" she asks me, her eyes burning with anger.

"I can't tell you," I moan helplessly. "If I tell you, it'll literally kill you."

I climb over Marcus as quickly as I can and run over to Sabrina, who's standing over to the side of the room, watching people saying goodbye to relatives sullenly.

"I never had a family," she mutters as I run up, panting and blinking the tears out of my eyes.

"Sabrina," I say, "Amari really wants to know about the prophecy. She's eavesdropping."

Sabrina's eyes widen. "This isn't...this can't..."

"Time to go!" roars the king. "Come on!"

Everyone crowds towards the door, and in the sudden swarm of people, I lose sight of Sabrina.

Then I realize that, if I was able to have a normal conversation and care about the result, hope has returned.

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