HELPLESS - hamliza ♡

dix

"okay." she nodded and mumbled, wiping a tear.

"you need to talk to him, love." peggy said and maria nodded.

"what do i say to him?" eliza whined.

"oh come on, betsey. tell him how you feel, when you see him. tell him you miss him." peggy looked at her with sympathy and eliza bit her lip.

she did miss him, she wouldn't deny it. she couldn't stop thinking about him, about his touch, about his.... everything.

she wanted to tell him how she felt, how she loved him, but didn't know how she could take him back after what she did to her.

"eliza?" maria said which snapped eliza out.

"y-yeah...?" eliza choked.

"you don't have to talk to him if you don't want..." peggy nodded.

"i-i want too. but he probably doesn't want to talk to me..." eliza sobbed.

"you have to do it at some point though, liza. we aren't forcing you... but you're going to have to." maria stroked her thigh and eliza nodded in response.
–

alex was a wreck ever since the events from last week. he hasn't slept since then except for a thirty minute nap he had sunday. he was all around miserable.

he had bags under his eyes and his hair was untidy. he spent his days either crying or writing. he wrote everyday like he was running out of time, writing was his only way of escape. he wrote to himself, to angelica, to laurens, to all his friends, he even wrote to eliza, but never actually sent them, he read the ones he sent to himself, and kept the ones to everyone else stored in a drawer.

my dearest eliza,

             i know you hate me. i know, i did you wrong. i know, i know. i hope one day you get this as im still alive, and i hand it to you, and you're happy. and we're happy, wether we are together or not. i know almost everything about you. i love you and i hope you know that. and i miss you, everything about you. i kissed her back, i know i did. i regret it. with all my heart, i regret it. you know, im thinking of moving uptown. it's quiet uptown. and i don't like the noise of the city. look around. i bet we both miss each other, but don't worry. i'm not afraid, i know who i married. well, we aren't married. but i like to think so, i want to marry you. i do. but after what has happened i don't think that's possible.

now i hope you are well,
alexander.

alexander never actually sent her this letter, although he wanted too he knew he couldn't. he knew he screwed up, badly.

alexander rubbed his hands through his hair as he finished the letter. he brushed his teeth and put on a white t-shirt and sweatpants, he wasn't going to try and look fancy, but he did want to stay healthy none the less.

alexander's phone
11:53
from: nathaniel (contact name: nathaniel)

nathaniel: hey i was next to eliza when the whole thing happened, u okay man?

you: no. why?

nathaniel: do you need someone to talk to?

alexander really didn't want to talk to him, but he knew he didn't have a choice, because he wanted to talk to someone but no one wanted to talk to him, and he knew that would happen. he hurt eliza.

you: yeah..

nathaniel: why did you do that to eliza she's a cinnamon roll man.