My Little Secret

chapter 2 {Edited}

We decided to wait before we told anyone, even our parents. We just didn’t know how they’d react, so both of us thought it was best to keep it to ourselves. Veronica was the only one who knew, and she promised she’d keep it to herself. We didn’t want to tell the other girls because they had no idea how to keep a secret.

Monday came and it was time for school. I haven’t been feeling sick as much, mostly just a few little spews in the morning or late afternoon. Some things still made my stomach turn a little, but it wasn’t so bad.  I guess it will only start to get worse a little later on. I still had to find a doctor and find out how far I actually was, but seeing as though my dad’s a doctor it will be a little hard. He’d surely find out if I was to go to the local hospital.

Two weeks had passed and we still didn’t tell anyone and I still haven’t seen a doctor, so I can’t tell you how far along I am. But the morning sickness is getting better; I throw up once nearly every morning but then I’m fine the rest of the day. I still don’t have a baby bump yet so I don’t think I’m that far.  In a way I’m a little excited to know if we are going to be expecting a boy or girl, but I need to see a doctor first.  I’m still very scared of what my parents will say when we finally tell them. We haven’t had sex since I fell pregnant, even though there is no chance of me becoming knocked up because I already am. I just feel too scared to. I know it sounds stupid, but hey look at the position I’m in. And I’m in this position because I was stupid and believed he’d pull out before he came.

I can’t help but think that I’m going to be a bad mum. Who at fourteen knows how to be a good mum?  I still can’t wrap my head around it all.  A few more weeks went past and all I could do was worry.  Is everything okay with my baby? Will my baby love me? Will I learn to be a good mum? Will Garry stand by me when I really need him? All these questions are running through my head and I just couldn’t answer them.

I started wearing jumpers all the time as my stomach started to get a little bigger.  I was eating more, and I loved hot chips and French onion dip together.  Garry thought I was crazy and that it was disgusting. I was still doing tae kwon do throughout the pregnancy so far, and it was getting harder and harder.  But I couldn’t just stop because people would wonder why I stopped training after all this time, and in two months I was off to Queensland to compete in the nationals.

As I continued to hide it, the more I thought it was time to tell my parents. “We can’t tell them. Not yet anyway,” Garry said when I told him it’s time to tell our parents. He was right, now wasn’t the time. But then again, when would it be the right time?

 Garry took care of every single craving I had, and I got to the point where I was even hungry in class.  I’d sit there and munch on a chocolate just to satisfy the little bundle growing inside me. It’s been about six weeks since I took the test and time seemed to be going really quick.  I was estimating being around thirteen weeks give or take, but I couldn’t be sure. I had a slight baby bump but nothing too noticeable.

Four weeks out from nationals the training got harder and harder. The more I pushed myself, the more I worried. But I couldn’t tell anyone because two weeks after nationals I go for my black belt.  I’ve waited five years for this day to come, so we decided after my grading for my black belt we would tell our parents. One night at training we had a weigh in to see if we were all in our weight division, but four of us were over so our coach told us it was time to hit the gym. Every night we didn’t have training so we trained three nights a week and went to the gym the other three. We had done the bikes, treadmills, rowers, cross trainers, and some weights. We even hit the sauna every night after we finished.

I had to lose 4kgs before we left for Queensland and time was ticking.  I had one week to drop the 4kgs.  I stopped eating when my body really wanted it.  I only ate fruit and low fat foods. I would only have breakfast, lunch, and dinner; but I’d only eat a little bit.  I had no energy and things were getting harder.  I started looking really pale and sick, so I needed to take iron tablets because I wasn’t eating any meat whatsoever.