Seeking Harry Potter

The Confrontation

Malfoy ignored Harry's sarcasm.

He leaned forward, tipped his head so that it rested against the door frame while he watched Harry, only a few short inches separating them.

Harry could smell the soft undertone of Malfoy's cologne, see the flecks of colour in his eyes and it was getting harder to remember why he didn't want to see him again.

Only, he did want to see him, Harry realized. He did want to be close to him.

But he didn't trust him.

"I had it in my head that I would do that one thing and then move on. Planned for it. Spent an insurmountable amount of time coming to terms with that." He reached out then, like he was going to take hold of Harry, grab him by the shoulder or the arm but at the last minute his hand faltered and he brushed the back of Harry's hand gently instead.

Harry watched the exchange. He watched the pale skin brush gently over his own, a whisper of a touch and had to suppress a shiver. When he looked up, Malfoy was still looking at his hand.

After a moment, his gaze turned up to Harry's eyes again and he looked young and lost.

"I wanted to leave Harry Potter behind. I was prepared to finally cut you out of my life. And then you walked straight into it."

His voice had lowered. It was a wash of gentle, uneasy, tones that were somehow making sense as far as explanations went. Harry wanted to argue, he wanted to fight it.

"You got what you wanted," he said.

Malfoy did grab his arm this time, both of them and pressed forward, no mind of the invisible barrier that Harry had tried to implement between them.

"You're what I want," he said earnestly. "You're all I've wanted for a long time."

Harry swallowed.

"How long?" he asked. His voice was shaking and it was obvious but Harry could barely breathe, let alone control his vocal chords right now.

"A long time," Malfoy repeated and his voice sounded just as raw.

Harry had to look away. Half of him still wanted to run and hide under his blankets, just as he had two days ago, the other half of him wanted to cling onto Malfoy's hands and believe everything he'd said that day. 

The way he'd spoken about Harry, the way he acted and smiled and joked... Harry had liked every part of it and that was before the bedroom had even been involved.

"When the panic subsided," Malfoy said in a low voice, his fingers flexing absently against Harry's biceps. "I realized that I had been so hell-bent on getting over you, I sabotaged my chances of actually being with you."

As always, curiosity won over self preservation and Harry looked up to meet Malfoy's eyes.

The blond was watching him openly, brow furrowed but eyes wide, watching him unflinchingly.

Harry's voice came out higher than he intended when he finally spoke.

"You actually want to--be with me?"

Malfoy's frown deepened.

"A shag was never all I wanted," he said. "Thinking about it now, there's no way that would ever have been enough."

Harry flushed and looked away, some of Malfoy's fear suddenly making sense. He wanted Harry, not for sex, but something bigger, something that would be substantially more difficult.

And he was here now, talking to Harry this time, telling him everything that he had been afraid of saying before.

And this time Malfoy's words came with a hell of a lot more. He was spilling his guts for a reason and that was to push everything into Harry's court. To leave it all up to him.

Which seems slightly unfair, considering. Malfoy had had years to figure out what he wanted and here he was, giving Harry seconds to do the same. Putting it all on the table, offering himself like a platter for Harry to take completely... if that was what he wanted.

There was a pink flush to his cheeks and a tense line to his shoulders but other than that, Malfy held himself high, like he could handle any response.

"Well?" he finally asked when Harry didn't speak.

"It's a lot to ask," Harry said. "Isn't it?"

Malfoy's gaze shot to his and for one brief moment the hurt of a fear realized was obvious in Malfoy's eyes and then just as fast, he was leaving.

Harry's arm shot out faster than he could think to move and his hand gripped a forearm, warm and sinewy even through layers of clothes.

"I didn't say no," Harry said and Malfoy looked at him, just as sharply.

Harry swallowed.

He knew he should say no. 

When people wanted someone for a long time, they had expectations. Fear was flowing into Harry already because he'd already done this once before, hadn't he? Ginny had thought things would be a certain way and he'd had his own ideas too. Reality wasn't what you wanted it to be, it just was. And Harry couldn't be anything anyone wanted him to be, he just was.

Malfoy was watching him, eyes glued to his face and Harry hadn't let him go yet and wasn't planning to. He could feel his fingers digging into flesh and didn't seem able to ease the grip. He just wanted the other man to stay long enough for him to make up his mind, at the very least.

Suddenly, Malfoy's expression softened. He turned to face Harry fully, shifting so that his arm was between them, Harry still clutching it like a life line.

He liked what he'd seen of Malfoy, and he liked the possibilities, but somehow he still couldn't move, couldn't say yes to something so big, something that most likely, would only prove him to be a disappointment once again.

"Harry," Malfoy said gently and in that one word it was as if he knew. As if every fear Harry had was spelled across his face.

His expression was open, a sudden playfulness in his eyes visible and surprising.

"Let me stay for a little while," he said. "At least."

Harry flushed at the familiar words.

His grip slipped on Malfoy's arm and Malfoy let it, sliding his hand all the way into Harry's to replace it.

Harry's heart hammered into his ribs and he glanced down at their entwined fingers before numbly moving out of the way for Malfoy to enter.

Malfoy's smile was bordering on shy as he entered. He had been surprising Harry ever since his eyes landed on that ad in the paper and Harry suddenly realized that half of his fear, at least, was because he had no idea what to expect. But he supposed that not knowing was a good thing. Hadn't all of this started because Harry was ready to do something for himself? Something that he truly wanted?

"Tea?" he asked.

END

AN: There you have it! My first Drarry fic in sooooooooo long. What do you think? Did you like it? I hope so.... :)