I thought I loved her. A girl my age,my best friend,the most beautiful, caring, loving and understanding person I knew. I felt like I could tell her anything.
One day,she came to me and suddenly burst out crying. She told me a whole list of things that she thought was wrong with her life. On the list self harm came up. She would talk about it quietly a lot, and the conversation always ended in 'but you wouldn't understand'. These words hurt. I wanted to understand. So late at night, at exactly 4:56 AM, I cut myself. It was only with a safety pin, but it hurt. I thought that it was worth it because I would FINALLY understand. I looked at my slightly bleeding wrist and thought that I would never do it again.
As time went on, I loved her more,my wrist was stained more. I was slowly falling into depression while this was going on. I had found razors by now and cuts were getting deeper. More blood was lost per slit. More excuses were told when people asked about my long sleeves. My life was living hell .
As my depression got worse, things were getting serious. I was having suicidal thoughts. I was cutting a lot. I was constantly feeling faint and light headed because of the blood loss. I attempted to commit suicide 8 times and was put in a mental hospital 9 times. I told this to my best friend (the girl I liked) and she called me a freak show and then left me. I was all alone.
Then, one day, a group of girls sat next to me. I think one of them saw my scars (I'm still not sure to this day) and then hell broke loose. They hurt me. A lot. I don't remember much from them, but I woke up in the hospital, and I was told that I was left unconscious and bleeding heavily. A teacher (this happened in school) had called 999 and found out who the girls were (I'm not sure how, but I didn't question it). When I found out who it was, I couldn't believe it.
It was my ex-best friend and her new girlfriend.
Please, if you self harm, stop yourself. No matter how bad things get, you will always regret them. Get help from anyone you can, even if it's close friends. If I could change anything from the past, I would have stopped myself from cutting in the first place.
