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PICTURE OF EMBER IN
MEDIA

MENTIONS OF PTSD, DEPRESSION, ANXIETY AND SH


One year later

It's been a year since my sisters death. I still haven't gotten over it. I don't think I ever will. Since that day I haven't been the same, naturally. How am I supposed to get over the death of an innocent little girl? How? Your answer, you can't. That's something you can never get over. Yeah sure I'll move on, but I will never get over it. Not when I'm the one who was supposed to catch her before she ran across the road. They call it survivors guilt, it makes sense honestly. Ever since that day I've blamed myself for it, I've had countless nightmares, night terrors; those are the worst, I haven't been doing too well. I think the last time I've showered before last night was four days ago, maybe longer. People don't understand the outcome of traumatic events, people lose themselves to that shit, we develop PTSD, depression, anxiety; if you don't have it already, just a shit ton of mental illnesses. A lot of people go to therapy, others handle it on their own, like I do. I haven't found any good coping mechanisms to help me, I haven't reverted to self harm. But nothing helps right now and I don't know what can.

Arriving at school I make my way to the cafeteria, that's where students are supposed to wait until first bell rings. After almost 20-30 minutes the bell finally rang and I take my time to get to first hour. People profusely judge me, whisper as I walk down the hall. All that jazz. And I honestly hate school, I'm always late; and I'm pretty sure the teachers gave up on me at this point. I wouldn't be surprised honestly. School has now become a living hell for me. After all my once best friends left me after the accident; they basically told me it was because I wasn't happy anymore. But I can't help it, my family is dead. I know I could've moved in with my grandparents but I couldn't leave the house where we were once together. I couldn't. I just need to get through this year then I'll be fine. Hopefully.

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Hope you guys are liking this so far. I'll write more soon.

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