Snippets

'You Can Make Somebody Buy Your Book!'

  ‘All right, just this once. But I don’t like it. In fact I’m scared stiff.’

  ‘Thanks Ron. I’ll give you a big hug when I see you on Friday night.’

                                                           *   *   *

  The launch of Vern Hopkins’s new novel on April 24th coincided with the next meeting of the Writer’s Guild.  Phyllis was running late for the meeting and expected a rebuke from Angela for her unpunctuality.  The others had just settled down around the table when she arrived, all she had missed so far was the pre-meeting coffee, which earned her a frown from Angela as she entered the room weighed down on one side by the heavy shopping bag she carried.

  ‘Whatever have you got there Phyllis?’ Angela’s voice boomed as she entered and watched Phyllis struggle to her place at the end of the table over the top her spectacles. ‘Are you moving house or something?’ A polite titter from the group brought a satisfied smile to Angela’s face as she looked to Phyllis for a reply.

  Phyllis was not intimidated by being under Angela’s spotlight, not today. ‘All in good time,’ she said lightly, tapping her nose knowingly as she sat down at the table.

  The meeting got underway with the customary discussion of the work each had circulated to the others.  Angela decided to start with Phyllis who had sent around a short story instead of the final pages of her novel; much to Gracie’s disappointment.  Phyllis whiled away the meeting and contributed very little to the proceedings.  Her attention rested solely on seeking the right moment to tell the group that she had finished and published her book; and she had copies with her for sale that very day.

  Her moment arrived at the end of the meeting. Angela rose to her feet to close the meeting. ‘Is there anything else or are we all done?” Angela stared at each person in turn with her gavel poised to strike the beech wood pad on the table to bring an end to the business for that day. 

  Phyllis tingled throughout her body as the adrenalin coursed through her arteries.  Angela raised the gavel another inch prior to bringing it crashing onto the pad when Phyllis spoke in an uncustomary strong voice.

  ‘Actually there is.’ All eyes turned towards her and Phyllis smiled at each in turn before announcing. ‘I am launching my book today.’ Deftly she brought a copy out of the shopping bag and passed it to Angela. 

  There was a ripple of surprised applause from the assembly and several congratulatory comments.  Angela flicked through a few pages before passing it on with an expression that suggested a nasty smell had lodged in her nose.  Each of the members looked at the book in turn, adding a complimentary remark. 

  ‘Nice Cover’

  ‘Well done Phyllis!’

  ‘Congratulations.’

  By the time it came back to Phyllis none of them had offered to buy the book or asked to read it even.  

  Other than platitudes, Adrian Barnett made the only valid remark from the far end of the table.

  ‘£8.99. It’s a bit steep. I thought you were bringing it out cheaper than that?’

  Phyllis’s heart jumped for joy. This was her moment and she held the unbridled attention of the whole group. With trembling hands she took out a copy of Vern Hopkins’ latest novel from her bag and held it up for all to see.  There was a loud gasp followed by an audible commotion as everybody recognised the book and spoke at once. Rosemary Pilcher’s shrill voice sounded above all others. ‘That’s his latest.’

  ‘Yes it is,’ Phyllis replied confidently, but as casually as she could manage. She was into her stride now. ‘It’s released today as well as mine.  My publisher thought it would be a good way to introduce a new author if they gave away a copy of Vern Hopkins’ book to the first dozen people who bought a copy of mine; at full price that is.  I know how much you all like Hopkins and I thought it would be right and proper of me to give you the first chance.’

  She said no more as nobody was listening to her any longer. There was instead a scramble for purses and wallets around the table.

  ‘How much is £8.99 in Euros?’

  ‘Make it ten Euros for cash,’ Phyllis replied smugly and held her hand to her mouth to conceal her smirk.

  Minutes later Phyllis sat with 110 Euros in front of her while the others feverishly turned the pages of the latest Vern Hopkins novel. She was just a tad disappointed that her own book lay untouched on the table in front of them. Angela had bought a copy and had her nose inside it when Phyllis wrote a few words in her notebook. She tore out the page and passed it to Angela, who read,

  ‘You CAN make somebody buy your book!’

Copyright  2013 Peter Thomson aka Hobnails All Rights Reserved