On Our Own (gxg)

Chapter 3 - Consequences

The celebration continues after my tattoos are finished and my profession is integrated into my ID. The atmosphere is light and fun. At least I assume that everybody else thinks it is. Finally my father is called for a medical emergency and leaves. As the door closes behind him I let out a heavy breath of relief I didn't even know I have been holding.

I reassure about everyone being pleased and content, making sure nobody would notice my absence. Then I sneak out and hurry home to our quarter.

At a normal 21st birthay the closest friends would have waited there and it would have become the party of our lives. But since I had no real friends nobody was there. Not that I expected anything else, I think bitterly.

I rush into my room and lock the door. Breathing heavily I slowly sink down on my knees. I have messed it all up. The dull illusion of being safe from him here overcomes me. I know it's an illusion. But at least I am alone now. I let down my guards. I cry. Silently, but I do. I don't cry often. I haven't cried like this since my mother died 14 years ago. Normally I would hate myself for the affection, but do not care enough anymore.

Why did I even decide to join the Army? Well, Rayen, you know that. You hate people. You are constantly disappointed by people. You are smart and sporty, you take orders. Joining the Army means that you have the least amount of social interaction within all the possible jobs despite the interaction with your comrades. Mostly you would just stand there. Paying attention. Being ignored by the normal people. And in the unlikely case of a fight with whatever there might be you could prove your fitness. Mostly to yourself, because there is nobody else to proof anything, but that's better than nothing. You are a social outcast. You do not let any emotions come near your - why not make that your profession?

It seems like my subconcious mind has thought a whole lot about joining the Army without me even knowing.

After a while of just sitting on the floor crying I decide that I have to do something. Somehow prepare myself. I'd love to prepare myself for my father coming home, but I can't even imagine his rage. So I can only prepare for the life I have chosen. I use my hologram to look up what to do next. I read through the information about how long my drill will take, what the subjects are, what my future tasks as a soldier of the Alatis Army exactly are or where report. I don't have to sign in anymore - with adding my profession to my ID I have automatically been signed in.

Then I come across the most releasing information ever, my salvation: I learn that soldier is the only profession with a residential education due to the high importance of team spirit. That means I move. Immediately. I move away from my abusive father! I can flee!

The incredible is happening! Adrenaline floods my system. I jump up, ready to pack my stuff and disappear as soon as possible.

I stand in the middle of my room amd realize two things. Firstly, I have no suitcase. Living on a space ship you can't leave doesn't require that. But secondly, I do not own a lot of stuff to take with me. I grab my toothbrush, brush, shampoo and the little make up I own and put it in the middle of my room. I look around. I decide to take my surrogate suit and my underwear. At last I put the little teddybear my mother sewed for me when I was 5 on top of my belongings.

I remember owning a backpack, so I look for it and put all my stuff in it. I am ready and adjust the backpack by throwing it onto my back - with a snap it connects with the shoulder parts of my suit. I am ready. I can go now and leave it all behind.

I look around room for one last time. It looks even more impersonal and empty than before. I feel like I had no life at all. And maybe that's the ugly truth. I sigh and head through the door for one last time. For the second time today I am in the hall of our quarter and tying the shoelaces of my chucks. Only this time I am not alone - and I realize too late.

"What are you little bitch thinking you are doing, hm?"

Threatening quietly grumbles his way too familar voice behind me. My body tenses immediately.

"Who the fuck shitted into your little dumbass brain?"

He closes the space between us, my backpack hits the wall as I try to back away, never meeting his eyes.

"You know who I am and who you have to be. There is no doubt - there never was. You know exactly what I have to do now."

His voice is so low. I am shaking. I smell his breath. I turn my head away.

"LOOK AT YOUR FATHER!"

He bursts out, I shriek, his sweaty, giant hand grabs my jaws and forces me to look at him. He breathes in and spits into my face. His free hand slaps me harder than ever before. If he hadn't held my jaw with his one hand, he would have dislocated it. I feel my face swell, sharp pain seethes beneath my skin. I am terrified.

"HOW DARE YOU DISOBEYING ME? HOW DARE YOU CHOOSING THE WRONG PROFESSION? YOU WILL REGRET THAT!"

I bet the "medical emergency" he was called for earlier didn't survive - things like that always make him even more aggressive.

Tears roll down my face as he smacks my head against the wall, but I won't make a sound. I feel blood running down my neck. He never escalated that quickly. I am scared to death. Literally. I am not sure if I will survive this time.

I am a tiny wreck hunching up on the floor, my arms thrown protectively over my head. I am just waiting for his next move and don't dare looking up. I hear hin grabbing something in his pocket, then there is the sizzling sound of a teaser.

He electro-shocks me. The pain is immense. I can't even describe it. But he must have set down the intesity to make sure I don't pass out too quickly. He is cruel, and he has fun torturing me. I can't move, I am painfully cramping on the floor, I can't tell but I bet he is kicking me.

After a while he stops and I stop cramping. He goes away and I still can't move after the shocks. My body sufferes, my soul bleeds, my eyes cry - but I feel nothing. Maybe I am already dead inside.

He comes back.

He has got a long metal pipe. I don't know where that is from, but that doesn't matter anyway. It's going to hurt. And he chuckles low and evil.

I hear my rips breaking, I see blood everywhere, my shoulder dislocates, the world goes black.