Holding On To You//Joshler

Chapter 25

AN// sorry for the spicy chapter yesterday, I hope this makes up for it

♪Tyler♪

I knew it was late but I couldn't sleep knowing that Josh was upset.

To: 'Jishwa✨'  Please meet me tomorrow before school, I want to talk.

10:21pm unread

I fumbled across the keypad, I still wasn't familiar with the mechanics of a phone. I knew that I should have not left Josh to wander home all alone but I think it was obvious that he needed space -  I was praying that I had made a correct assumption. The thought of Josh ignoring me, it made me feel numb, it made me feel isolated. I felt like I was back to being my old self. I didn't want to go back to that place, that lonely numb place.

But I had the chance to be with someone else, I apparently now had Brendon. But the very thought of him made my skin crawl. I would never let him treat me like Josh had. The idea of him touching me repulsed me to the point where my skin stung. His hugs would not be hugs. It would feel like he was slowly squeezing the life out of me, well what life he had let me have.  His skin would be rough and coarse, it would graze against me like sandpaper, leaving me wounded. Josh was soft, Josh was gentle, Josh was kind, Josh was what I wanted. But I was afraid that I had lost him.

To: 'Jishwa✨'  I'm so sorry Josh, please reply I want to know what is going on in your head

10:24pm unread

To: 'Jishwa✨'  Don't shut me out please. Don't do that to me. Let me help.

10:25pm unread

To: 'Jishwa✨' I didn't even know Brendon liked me okay. I think that I  have a confession, kind of

10:26pm read

'Jishwa✨'Go on'

I grinned a little, Josh was here with me.

To: 'Jishwa✨'  I knew that'd get your attention.

'Jishwa✨' Don't tease me I'm not in the mood.

To: 'Jishwa✨' I can feel you grinning all the way from over here.

'Jishwa✨' Shut up I can see you beaming too. I know its only been a like half a day but I think I miss you.  

To: 'Jishwa✨'  You'll have to hold on until tomorrow. 8am sharp.

'Jishwa✨' I wanna see you right now, but I know if I come over I wont ever want to leave

To: 'Jishwa✨'  You're so cheesy, go to sleep we can talk about this in the morning.

'Jishwa✨' I cant sleep. It feels empty now without you here.

To: 'Jishwa✨' Josh you're killing me stop being so cheesy. You need rest. This weekend has been exhausting for all of us. You're gonna need energy for tomorrow.

'Jishwa✨' Will you come over?

To: 'Jishwa✨'  I don't know where your house is

'Jishwa✨' But if you knew would you?

To: 'Jishwa✨' No because I want you to sleep

'Jishwa✨' What if I said if you came it'd help me sleep and then you could leave

To: 'Jishwa✨' What's in it for me?

'Jishwa✨' I know you want me to sleep well

To: 'Jishwa✨'  Maybe

'Jishwa✨' You wouldn't even need to sneak out, Kelly adores me of course you can come so you cant lie and say your mom said no, I live at 2012 on the street facing the library okay you cant miss it, we have a pink door

To: 'Jishwa✨' I'll think about it.

I clicked my phone off and placed it onto my dressing side table. When I turned on the lights I revealed a lanky figure gloomily staring back at me from the other side of the mirror.  I ran my hand through my hair and ruffled it a little in attempt to fight my bedhead, but it was a losing battle. My legs were bare. I couldn't go like this. Why was I trying so hard? Josh would be asleep anyway.  I threw on my black plaid bottoms and an old black hoodie that had the logo of some band that I didn't recognise anymore.

"Mom" I whispered lightly, I didn't want to wake my Dad because he had work early in the morning. Kelly rubbed her eyes and looked up in discomfort.

"Tyler I'd just gotten off to sleep, what is it? What's wrong?"

"Can I go to Josh's house?" I awkwardly rubbed the skin at the back of my neck, "He urm, is having trouble sleeping"

"Are you okay to walk? I can drive you" She snapped out of her sleepy trance and scrambled over to the corner of the room to find her shoes.

"I'm fine. Also, you just want to find out where he lives"

"I do not!" she stammered, "I just want my son to be safe"

"Mom, I'm 17 I think I can manage walking for a few minutes alone"

"Are you going dressed like that?"

"Well yeah, no one is gonna see me anyway"

"Lets hope so" she laughed softly and crawled back under the sheets. "Have a nice night sweetie"

The air was cold. It was biting away at me. I was stood at the door of a grand house, a grand house with a pink door. Josh answered straight away when I tapped lightly, his hair was messy and the blotchiness of his cheeks was fading, but it was still there. My heart stung.

"Afternoon" I grinned, Josh outstretched his hand and gently pulled me inside on his house.

"Come on, its freezing"

"Does your Dad know I'm coming?"

Josh nodded softly, "He doesn't mind don't worry. Come on lets get you a hot drink, you poor baby"

"Don't call me a baby" I snapped, "I'm not a child okay you're the one who needs help not me"

"I'm still getting you a drink, baby" Josh chuckled softly, my already pink cheeks reddened. My complexion was a mixture of the cold and embarrassment. "I cant believe you walked here in pyjamas"

"I'll have you know I actually got dressed for you"

"Oh yeah? What were you in before then? Was you gonna come in your suit again?"

I poked Josh's side, "I wasn't wearing anything"

"Oooh!" he squealed.

"No!  I didn't mean it like that" My blushing intensified. "I just meant I couldn't walk here in nothing so I just threw this on"

"You took a while, I bet you planned it. I like you in dark colours, they suit you"