HAM (Hard As a Muthaf**ka)

Glass Half Empty

                  “I’ll see wassup…see if he said anything. Me an’ Kant’ll take care of it,” I said. I took off all that shyt, and slapped it, on the prep table. “Man, get you some A/C back here- trynna make a nigga sweat in this bitch,”

                  “Buy me some!” yelled out Mos. “Imma broke ass negro trynna run a soul food restaurant,”- what the fuck ever. I walked back out front, as most of the lunch business had gone. Miss Millie was counting up the register and doing paper work, while Renata, was cleaning the tables(yes dammit, I said Renata).

                  “She trynna clean up after the lunch rush and get her a couple dollars,” said Miss Millie. “We gonna see how long this lasts,”

                  She stopped and turnt around, pulling her hair out of her eyes. “Oh…hey J. I aint know you was here,”

                  “Sup,” I said with a little wave.  She smiled a little, then returned back to cleanin the tables. I looked to Miss MIllie. “How long she been doin it?”

                  “This her first day,” she answered.

                  “Keep it up, Renata,” I said.

                  She had finished wiping down the tables and was sweeping the floor. She smiled at me. “Aight, J…I’ll see you around,”

                  Bish, you wont see me…

                  I got back on the bus. I didn’t know how this shit was gonna turn out- Mos wanted me and Kant to kill Gabe. I might have shot a nigga, like shot him in the ass, or in the leg, but the nigga was still alive. I might’ve even shot at a nigga…but I have never killed a man. Never. I was feelin kinda of nauseous, thinkin about it, as I sat there on the bus. I could see REAL EASY if it was Quint, or one of his buster-ass boys, but Gabe? I aint got no beef wit that nigga…

                  I stepped in my place, and slumped on the sofa, as Teja came to me. I tried to show her some appreciation, but I was feelin sick to my stomach- I didn’t wanna do it, but I knew how the shit was gonna go down…Mos was gonna call Kant, because he knew I didn’t wanna do Gabe. Mos was gonna stroke Kant’s weakness, which was money- and Kant was gonna come over, and basically drag me to go do it.

                  “You better get that gwap, shawty! We gotta sell too? If this nigga snitchin, we gotta make this nigga silent,”

                  The more I thought about it, the more Mom was right. I needed to start puttin as much distance as I could, between me and Mos…he overstepped his boundaries on askin me to do this. I can live with bein a dog, a scoundrel, a dopeboy, a thug, or whatever- but I am not a murderer. I could feel the proverbial walls closing in on me again, as I tried to think my way through this…maybe we didn’t have to kill Gabe. Maybe this nigga didn’t snitch.

                  But if Gabe was snitchin, that meant I could have folks watchin me…and I didn’t wanna go back to jail- not, when I carefully started to put me and Reagan’s plan together. That, was the reason why I hadn’t went back to the trap on Bankhead and picked the rest of my stash- folks might be trynna watch me.

                  I jumped, as my thoughts were interrupted by my cell phone ringing. Teja had jumped off the sofa too…I picked up my phone. It was Corliss.

                  “Hey,” I said.

                  “Hey…what are you doing?”