Spiral

Delusion

Syler felt the migraine begin to resolve itself and the shadows that occupied his room started to migrate back into the corners. He started to feel a sharp pain from his wrist, where he had dug his nails into. He turned his head to look at the wounds. They were bleeding and had already stained the bed sheets. Syler had started to learn how to hide the stains from people. He had enough of them from wounds that had opened in the past or from nosebleeds. Syler placed his pillow over the stains and he started to pull the strength he had in himself and attempted to stand up from his bed. The minute his weight shifted from the bed to his feet, he nearly fell over. His body had started to lose its' ability to hold him. He knew it was from his habit of eating close to nothing and throwing his guts up almost daily. His legs could barely hold even his minuscule weight anymore, they tended to collapse under him many times. He sometimes lost the ability to get out of bed at all some days.

It had been two weeks since Syler had lost his virginity to Lauren. He had seen her a couple of times in the week. She was the only person who even brought an ounce of happiness into his world. Zane had not attempted to communicate to Syler ever since Syler had stopped coming in to work shifts. Syler felt this was out of spite towards him. He felt everyone was plotting against him. Syler didn't feel safe around anyone anymore, except Lauren. He trusted her with every ounce of his existing being. The parts of him that were not consumed by the shadows. He could barely recognize his own thoughts from the thoughts of shadows. They were beginning to feel as if they were the same, and he wasn't truly human anymore. Syler felt like he was dying. He felt like his soul was dying and every piece that broke off was replaced with something else.

The sun was now shining in through the window of Syler's bedroom. He forced himself to turn his head towards the window, hoping it would help him relax his heart again, as it was still palpitating from earlier. He soon found the strength to stand on his legs, so he walked to the bathroom so he could treat the deep wounds that his nails caused. He caught a glimpse of himself in his mirror while wrapping up his arms. He could barely recognize himself. He looked washed out, his skin was almost completely gray. His eyes had deep bags underneath them. Syler found that he looked dead. Completely dead, but he didn't care anymore. He was hoping his habits would kill him anyway. He didn't see himself living a life, especially not like this. He truly couldn't find happiness, and the only one who could ever make him smile even in the slightest was Lauren. Syler felt he was truly gone now. He didn't feel human anymore. He was seeing more and more of the hooded figure in his own actions and himself. Syler felt his personality draining into the hands of his delusions.

He felt his stomach growl in protest to his denial for food, Syler wished dearly that his stomach would settle. He didn't want to put anything into his body, as he feared it would feed the maggots that he swore swam in his blood. He knew the hunger wouldn't go away, and it would truly only get worse from this point, so he ended up giving into his body's cues. He shakily made his way down the stairs and into the kitchen, where he heard sizzling from a pan. It meant that someone else was in there. Syler didn't want to be seen, yet he knew he'd be seen eventually anyway. He gathered himself and made his way into the kitchen. His mother was working on her laptop and Jess was preparing something in a pan.

"Good morning, Syler." His mother greeted him as he walked into the kitchen. He groaned. His legs began to hurt from walking, but he knew he had to just plow himself forward. He grabbed a bowl from one of the cupboards and he grabbed a packet of instant oatmeal. He could stomach this, and it had become one of the only things that he could stomach anymore. He could only keep down oatmeal and yogurt. Anything else that he would put into his body, he would just puke it back up again. He felt his organs failing him from this, but he lost the energy to try and stop it.

"Do we still have some yogurt?" Syler asked, and his mom nodded.

"Yeah. I put them in your drawer of the fridge so nobody else would eat it." His mom explained, and Syler grabbed a cup out. He grabbed a spoon, microwaved his oatmeal and he walked back to his room. He realized his mom had stopped caring about forcing food down his throat. She knew it was just going to come back up, she had heard Syler puke numerous times. She had given up, and so she just tried to find things that Syler could keep down. Syler wanted to thank her for that. He appreciated her kindness towards him and his spiral.