The Chasing of Moons

Not Again

"Well you're not going to see me arguing with you about that," Gerard responds.

"So, okay, Gerard, like you know I like you. That's not something I want to be a secret, or at least, I don't want it to be a secret with people I care a lot about, but I don't care about anyone at this school besides the people who already know I like you."

"So that means I don't have the right to fucking have a boyfriend outside of the minds of four people?"

"Oh that makes it sound bad."

"Well that's because it is bad, Frank," Gerard says.

"Okay, but Gerard, I'm not used to being the gay guy!" Frank says quietly.

"I understand that much but it doesn't change that it's not fair to me that I don't get to even be your boyfriend during most of the day."

"Okay, but you still are!" Frank insists.

"If I'm a secret eight hours of the day than I might as well not exist at all."

"That's not true!"

"It might as well be."

"Okay, but it's not fair that you expect me to want to tell everyone! I have a right to some privacy," Frank says.

"And I have the right to hold my boyfriend's hand in the fucking hallway."

"Well, yeah, sure maybe, but that doesn't mean that I have to put my entire life on a pedestal for the consumption of people who don't give a shit about me."

"Frank, I just want to be able to tell people I have a boyfriend and know that he wouldn't deny that to everyone who I would tell."

"I wouldn't deny it!" Frank says.

"But you won't readily admit to it," Gerard responds.

"Gerard, I like you, why isn't that enough?"

"Because it's not a real relationship if it has to be kept a secret to everyone who matters. Have you even told your mother?"

"That's not important."

"Which means that you haven't."

"I will," Frank says.

"Frank, I can maybe understand why you don't want the school to know, and while I don't like it, I understand it, but your fucking mother? From what I hear, she is a fucking saint. Why am I so embarrassing to you that you can't even tell her?"

"Yeah, I get it, I'm a piece of shit, but this is all really new to me. I haven't even told her I'm gay, Gerard, it's not something that is easy to bring up."

"Well, if she won't understand, or if you're putting yourself in danger by telling her than I completely get it, okay? I don't want you to tell her if it could end badly, but if it won't, than you not telling her can only make me think one thing and that's that you don't care enough about me to acknowledge that you're dating me."

"That's not fair to me Gerard. Okay, yes, my mom won't get mad, and I know that, but that doesn't mean I'm obligated to tell her."

"But if you don't than what does that make me?"

"It makes you the guy that I like a lot."

Gerard rolls his eyes, "The guy who is only your boyfriend in the company of about six people."

"Gerard, how can you be putting pressure on me to come out when you still refuse to think that we'll be together after graduation?"

"Oh my god, this again?"

"Yes, this again!" Frank says angrily.

"How is this related?"

"Well because you're angry at me because I apparently don't care enough about you to tell the world, but me being angry at you for refusing to consider that this relationship has any enduring capability is apparently too much for you to handle."

"I thought we got over this?"

"We didn't get over this, we just put it on the back burner for a few days."

"So if I'm angry with you about something that is presently apparent, that gives you the right to bring this shit up? It's not even relevant to bring up and you think it compares to the fact that you won't admit to being my boyfriend? How the fuck is you being ashamed of me supposed to feel?"

"How do you think the fact that you don't like me enough to give me any faith feels?"

"You're taking that out of context," Gerard snaps.

"You're being a bitch."

"Wow," Gerard says, looking so far beyond angry with Frank that he's almost calm. Frank looks back at him, scared of what he's going to say next, because Frank won't deny that they're both being quite bitchy.

Instead of saying anything though, Gerard just stands up and starts making his way out of the cafeteria. Frank just sits there aghast, watching him walk away.

Someone hits Frank in the back of the head and that's the only thing that gets him to turn around and stop watching Gerard leave.

"What was that for?" Frank asks, because Pete is apparently the one who hit him.

"Mikey told me to," Pete shrugs.

"That's my brother you just called a bitch, Frank."

"Yeah, but he kind of deserved it," Frank says.

"Pete," Mikey says, and Pete, on cue, hits Frank in the arm.

"Alright that one was maybe earned," Frank nods.

"You do realize that you have to fix this before tomorrow right?" Mikey asks him.

"Fuck," Frank says, when he searches his brain for a moment. Yeah, so tomorrow is Gerard's birthday. He can't exactly allow them to be fighting on Gerard's actual birthday. That would make him the ultimate dick. There would be literally no way to come back from that.

"You two must have set a record," Ray says, "No other couple has ever had two fights in their first three days. You guys have been fighting for 2/3 of your relationship."

"Don't remind me," Frank groans. How on earth this relationship is going to make it beyond a week is a mystery to Frank, let alone eight years. He's got his work cut out for him, that much is for sure.