The Chasing of Moons

I Don't Have A Creative Chapter Name, I'm So Disappointed In Myself

"What makes me so special then?" Gerard asks him, and that's a multifaceted question to say the least. Frank decides against admitting that he's the younger version of the guy he fucked, because that would be a bad decision on many levels. The first being, Frank's supposed to be straight, and the second being that he'd probably end up in a rubber room.

"Can't I just want to get to know you?"

"If the only reason you want to get to know me is because I look like someone else, leave me out of it," Gerard says.

"Okay, you make a very good point there, but maybe the fact that you look like someone else is making me realize that I've never really talked to you and I feel guilty about it now?"

"Then that's not my problem. Your guilt is yours to bare, not mine."

"But-"

"Listen," Gerard says, stopping in front of his classroom, and if Frank cared to notice, he'd realize that he's going to be really late for his next class, because he's about as far from the History classroom as he can possibly get while still being on campus. "If you honestly think I'm not used to the harassment of the popular guys by now, then you're dumber than I gave you credit for. I've had three years to get used to being the gay guy that everyone wants to make fun of, alright? So I don't need you to pile onto the shit everyone wants to call me. I get it, okay? I'm gross, and you probably want me to rot in hell or something. Just save it, I've heard it all before."

"I-" Frank starts, feeling his mouth actually widen in disbelief. "I didn't even know you were gay."

"Yeah right," Gerard says, "just piss off, okay?"

At that, Gerard turns around to enter his class, leaving Frank just standing there to feel like an ultimate failure. He can't even begin to think of how awful that all went.

Frank turns around, looks at the faces of people walking by, unaware or uncaring of who they are. That only makes him feel even shittier though, because now he can't help but to think that he treats everyone the same as he does Gerard, fully capable of learning who they are but neglecting to do so. But it's not like he can know everyone. Frank's only got so much room in his head to store information, and if he's never going to need to know someone's name, then why should he be expected to learn it.

Frank hears the bell ring a few seconds after he starts to move off in the direction he should be going, and he groans, because he's going to be late and he knows that for sure now. He might as well take his time, because there's no chance that he's going to get by on this one. Even if his teacher is late, he's on the other side of the school. There are a few stragglers around him who start sprinting at the tone, but Frank instead aims for the bathroom. He decides it'd be a better idea to collect his thoughts now than to try to do it in class. At least he can have more privacy in front of a mirror than he would have in the seat next to his friends who are both going to be eying him strangely for the rest of the day.

They have every right to, and Frank knows that. He's been acting very strangely today. He's been all over the place. Nothing he's done or said has made much sense. First he's supposed to be bragging about some chick he supposedly slept with, and then he's freaking out over a nameless face that he's seen a million times before. Now he's late for class and he looks like he's been to hell and back again.

Frank steps into the bathroom, which is empty, as he'd expected. He looks around to make sure before he huffs and stands in front of the mirror trying to grapple with how severely he's messed up whatever he was trying to have with Gerard. He can't think straight though because he just keeps cringing at the way that it all went down. He never anticipated that Gerard was going to hate him. He maybe expected Gerard being uncomfortable, awkward, or wary around him, but Frank did not think that he could actually earn the hate of someone he'd never talked to.

Except now he has one piece of good news. He doesn't have even the remotest chance of ever being able to utilize the information for his own benefit, but he now knows Gerard is gay. So although he hates Frank and has no intention of ever softening up to him, at least Frank has the knowledge that it's not completely impossible. It's highly improbable Gerard will ever look at him twice, but now Frank gets to have dreams that don't make him feel as guilty. It's never as easy to daydream about straight guys, it's very uncomfortable really, but this, this is good news.

Even if it is good news, Frank's still left to mope away looking into his own eyes feeling like someone kicked him in the stomach. He doesn't know why he's so upset, Gee probably has nothing to do with Gerard in the slightest, but Frank can't help but feel like the similarities outweigh the impossibility of the situation. They have the same voice, same face, same teeth, same everything. The only differences seem to be the most important ones though, like their age, and most importantly the fact that Gee seemed to be all over him, but Gerard, well, Gerard wants nothing to do with Frank. There's probably nothing less ideal than the fact that Frank just might have a crush on the guy who just might hate his guts.