Most girls dream of that first kiss, that perfect kiss. When your lips touch the other person's lips slowly and you feel everything's perfect and right.
News flash, it's not always like that.
She wasn't sure about what they were about to do, quite honestly she was half scared to death. 'What am I doing here?' She whined to herself as she looked down at her phone, reading his text.
"Come upstairs quickly, I'm by the library."
She went back the stairs slowly, she couldn't do it. She saw a light and looked up, he was right above her. She hurried faster, whether he had seen her or not she couldn't tell- it was pitch black. She stumbled down the stairs and walked about hyperventilating just a little bit- a lot.
It's just a stupid kiss, just go do it!
She climbed the stairs again then come back down pacing faster. It's not just a kiss, it's my first!
She felt so nervous yet she was smiling, her phone buzzed in her hand again.
"I'm on the stairs now, where are you?"
She looked up from her phone and towards the stairs. He was standing there looking down at his phone, the light from it shadowing his face slightly in the dark.
"I can see you
I can't kiss you
This is so awkward.
😖"
She texted him back, heart pounding.
"Just come."
She stood for a while staring at those words, there was an assurance in them. She should've turned around instead but she went up those stairs again in the dark and met him half way. She couldn't see his face in the dark and she wasn't trying to. They walked up the stairs in silence. Her heart was pounding in her ears. She wondered if he could hear it.
She couldn't face him, she stood looking down the stairs.
'Why are you so far away...?'
She felt his warm hand tug her closer to him, turning her to face him and she took a deep breath unable to speak. Even though it was dark and he probably couldn't see her face, she was glad she let her hair down so it formed a curtain around her face- concealing it, hiding her panic. He lifted her face up, in the darkness she could barely see the outline of his face. Then he leaned close, placing his forehead gently on hers and her eyes automatically shut. When the kiss started she wasn't aware, she was wondering whether if closing her eyes mattered in the dark. She felt his lips a moment later and felt him tugging her bottom lip gently placing her lip in between his. It was such an odd feeling, that first time!
She didn't know what to do.
How do you kiss someone back. Move your lips.
So she tried to move her lips too, a few seconds later she was nearly short of breath and she could hear footsteps so she pulled away from his lips and leaned her head against his shoulder in the dark. He held her there for a while swaying a bit before bringing her lips back up to his. She was less confused this time. She could feel his lips moving and tried following his lead as he tightened his hold around her waist, pulling her against him. She placed her hands against his strong forearms and breathed a little into the kiss. It was a bit longer this time. Then she heard another sound and pulled away from him walking away slightly to hide her nervousness and take a breather. He was silent leaning against the wall when she shuffled back to him. He pulled her against him this time, kissing her more intimately-it took her breath away. She tried to focus on the kiss, feeling her leg against his crotch. "What's that?" She wondered distracted by the bulge she felt there. "Oh!" She shut her eyes tighter as realization dawned on her. She trailed her hands up his arms bracing herself as they went on. This was the longest kiss out of the three. They both heard footsteps again, people were actually coming this time so they separated. She stood there staring at his face in the dark, not comprehending what had just happened. When he turned to walk towards the open roof top, overlooking the water fountain, she followed him.
No words about the kiss as she subtly wiped her lips with the sleeve of her cardigan.
"Have you read for the test on Thursday?"
She turned to look at him, he was asking about Thursday's test after what just happened. She wondered how to react. She read his eyes, then she put on a small weak smile.
'Pretend'
"No, I haven't. I'll start tomorrow."
She smiled at him, playing along. She looked away towards the ground floor. If she 'fell' off, would he care?
They talked for a while, laughing and smiling, knowing something no one else knew. The power came back on and she fought the urge to hide, looking at his face clearly in the light. His eyes were humorous.
"Thank goodness the lights just came on now."
Their eyes whispered. They turned to see his best friend, and her friend, come up the stairs. She was smiling as she started talking to him. After saying Hi and sitting in the corner quietly for a while watching him act normally while his best friend chatted animatedly, looking like she had an inkling of something or was it just her mind playing tricks on her, she slinked off- nearly running. Fuck fuck fuck fuck what the actual fuck! She chanted under her breath as she hurried back to her dorm room, touching her lips suddenly realizing she just cheated.
It was a terrible feeling now whenever she thought about it. This wasn't the way she wanted to remember her first kiss. She was going to remember this as a mistake.
