Don't Worry I'm Fine

Part Four

He said it hushed though he didn't know why. "I guess I'll see you around Dean," he looked at his seat and his bag lunch he almost suffocated between his books and chest, "don't be a stranger," the last part a whisper that only Dean could make out. Cas sat at his table and quickly opened a book to read so Dean wold move on and stop drawing attention to him. Relieved but saddened when Dean walked away. He could hear everyone talking about the new guy. The room was buzzing with conversation and Cas tried to block it out. That's when he remembered. He called me Cas. Cas smiled at the thought then pushed it away, distancing himself yet again from anyone, even just some dumb jock guy that was lost. Maybe just as lost as me.

"What the hell are you doing?" Cas looked up from skimming his book, realizing now that Dean was right in front of him now holding his lunch tray and that he actually hadn't read a single word on the page. Dean looked amused.

"Uh reading, what are you doing Dean?" skepticism was is Castiels' voice and he didn't hide it this time. Dean sat down across from Castiel without asking and Cas looked around, people we turned around and staring. At every table people were turned whispering into each others ears glancing at them. Some one giggled and Castiel looked away from the crowd, back at Dean who was having trouble twisting the plastic fork to capture some of the spaghetti noodles onto it. He shoveled the monster bite into his mouth and carefully spit out "Eating," while rolling his eyes, Dean was apparently starving to death. But there he was again thinking about Deans eyes.
"Eww don't talk with your mouth open, it disgusting. Its like watching a clogged garbage disposal try to speak." Cas said with his nose scrunching up like Dean had just spit on the tabletop. Dean almost chocked on his mouthful laughing out his nose.

"That's not what I meant Dean," Cas looked back at the crowd of spectators, most of which had went back to eating what passed for an edible food at this school, "I meant what are you doing sitting here with me?" Cas felt emberassed and vulnerable, like he was being pranked and it was  a bad joke.

*flashback time*

It wouldn't be the first time that happened though. In junior high Mark and Broady had befriended him, before Cas had realized he was different from them. They had Castiel sit with them and their other cool friends in every class and lunch for a month or so until he let his guard down. He thought he'd made friends or at least he got to sit with people who realized he was there, even if it was just a sick game in the end. They talked to him in every class and made jokes behind his back about his hand-me-down clothes and him being a bookworm. He laughed along just happy to be around people for once, even if it was self deprecating. They invited him to a party and Castiel had to sneak out of his house to meet them, telling Gabriel to cover for him. He was finally going to not be a nobody. "Gabe, they're my friends, what the worst that could happen?" Castiel actually said that to Gabe before leaving that night, and soon he'd find out.

He arrived at the party and it was in full swing, almost all of the students in his class were there the night he was humiliated. They got Cas drunk, like sloppy drunk, telling him it'd be fun to let loose. Later they all took a drive even if nobody was really sober enough. They blared music and drove him outside of town to a little field, pushed him out of the car and videoed him while they told him it was all fake. They told him that they weren't ever his real friends and that they'd never be friends with a "pathetic creeper outcast" like him. They were just seeing how far he'd actually go to not be such a "lonely hand-me-down fuck". Cas cried as they told him that he didn't deserve a friend, that he should just kill himself. They called him a "fucking cock sucking faggot" for never having a girlfriend. Still he begged them to stop and not leave him stranded in the middle of nowhere. They threw vodka that they had mixed with glitter at him and told him to find a way home on his own. Cas cried harder as he chased their tail lights across the field. When he watched the lights disappear into the night he realized that he had no idea where he was and he was still very drunk. He sat on the ground and cried hard gripping his knees, they were right he was a freak. He wasn't normal. Maybe he should kill himself. God he felt sick now. He wretched up the alcohol in the open field, dry heaving towards the end and still crying. He sat there a while not thinking about anything, he couldn't think at all. About what had happened, what he was going to do at school, or how he was going to get home. He walked the whole way, thinking better after he had puked up all that crap. His mom was waiting for him and he fought back tears as she yelled at him about learning his lesson to not to sneak out or go out drinking under aged. She could smell it on him though she over looked the glitter as part of the party, he never told anyone what really happened that night.

Gabe had found out the jist from rumors at school and told Lucifer about it. Lucifer beat the shit out of Mark and Broady that week and was expelled for it, he went to the school in the next district over now and nobody ever explained what happened exactly or why, Lucifer made sure that Mark and Broady were done spreading shit about his family when he broke two of Marks fingers on each hand and beat Broady so hard that he lost a tooth and broke a rib. Nobody messes with his brothers but him. They thought he was crazy because he laughed while he did it too, singing I Wanna Be An Air Force Ranger. He basically showed up at his new school a legend. The rumors said that he killed kids at his last school and strung them up the flagpole upside down, but those were just rumors.

That was three years ago. Lucifer was a senior this year, Castiel a Junior, and Gabe a Sophmore. It still brought a smile to Castiels face though that whenever he looked at Mark and Broady now that he knew that a piece of metal held one of Marks fingers together and one of Broadys teeth was a fake tooth.

How could he be so stupid to believe them then? He wasn't going to make the same mistake not, again.

*end flashback*

"I meant what are you doing sitting here with me Dean?" Castiel didn't mean to be blunt or rude but he had Deans attention now. Dean looked at him and swallowed his massive bite leaving a trail of sauce where the noodle had slapped his chin. He looked at Cas and he could tell that he was choosing his words carefully.

Dean started quietly "Look Cas, I haven't been able to count on a lot lately, s'cept Sammy. If I'm going to make friends with anyone at this school I wanna trust that person and something...just tells me that I can trust you. Can I?"

Cas paused thinking about it. He nodded after mulling it over, more out of reflex than anything. He always just nodded when him mom was asking him to do something he didn't wanna do. He didn't want to let another person down. He always let everyone down.

You're in over your head now. He's never gonna be your friend, not really. Never for real. It's pathetic you'd even think so. God you should just kill yourself and get it over with.

"Okay then," Dean said clapping his hands together "no more chick flick moments or I'm gonna be sick" Dean smiled returning to his food and Cas gave a small smile and returned to his book forgetting about his flattened bag lunch, actually reading this time.

What are you getting yourself into Castiel?

So what do you think?! I gave a little Cas background in this one hopefully you get what this is going to be like. This is my first writing or any sort so I apoligize in advance for my horrible grammar and spelling. I'm glad this chapter has gotten longer but its also taken like a whole week to write so theres that.  Vote or comment or share or whatever. If you comment so I know actual human beings (or aliens I don't care at this point) are reading and do or don't like what I have going here that'd be just swell. So be kind and please rewind, we'll be right back after these messages.

Shanks!

-S