Polar Opposite

Me

Behind all the anger is pain. It is actually proven that anger becomes a emotion fueled off of another emotion you are feeling. To be honest, I can only be hurt. When it feels like your giving a 110 percent effort and it's not given from the other end.

It's hard to go on, knowing you can't control someone's actions. You can't stop them from communicating with others, from becoming closer to others, from lying to you. I can profess that probably one of the most hurtful things to do to me is to lie to me.

To completly take my trust and throw it away as if it's nothing. Those moments of invulnerability, I want to crawl inside a shell and never come out. To cry over and over and over, even when I have no more tears left. I have so many questions.

Do you not trust me? Am I just someone your manipulating? Am I falling back into the pattern I swore to never repeat? Why can't you trust me? Why do you say one thing, but I know you feel the opposite. I become frustrated and completly shut down.

Even people I'm not close friends with, notice there's a problem with me. Instead of confronting the person, I fully ignore them. They know, yet they don't. I apologize, but is it really my fault? Maybe I'm throwing all of myself in, only to have a door slammed in my face once I get close enough to enter.

An advancement and then a drawback. A continuous cycle that I can't stand to repeat once more. I promise to myself that no matter what, I won't shut down. I won't keep the world out, but it's hard. At every corner, I'm tempted.

The voices in my head plead for me to drown in my own pity. I watch as they grow closer and closer. The days go by and they're clueless to the clues they've given me. All the evidence I need to quit it all. Yet, I stay. Why? Why stay?

I want to believe in hope. I will follow faith until it kills me. Even when it breaks my heart into a thousand pieces. That's what I hate about myself. I'm always going to be emotionally involved. I just hate liars. Each time my heart cracks a little more.

I'm never enough. Always replaceable. Too quiet. Too loud. Too mean. Too nice. Too smart. Too dumb.

I trusted you with all my heart. Should've know I'd discover all the lies you'd cover up. My decision because even though I need you, you still need me. Unless I'm fatally wrong. Maybe you never needed me. The sign I felt when I saw you is the reason I don't give up.

There's a reason we met. I won't stop until I find out why. Even if you destroy me along the go, I won't give up on this. Even though I want to rip my eyes out and never see your betrayal again, I will always believe in the impossible.

Just promise you won't kill me.