| Masked feelings |

2. Ripped.

I followed a shattered Swayam into his bedroom, knowing very well that he was not in the right state of mind. Heartbroken guys are not a pretty sight.

As soon as he reached his room, he moved hastily around the room looking for something. He was searching for it in his cupboards, shelfs, secret safes, and even in his old albums. His frustration grew as he couldn't find what he was searching.

I finally decided to interject, "What are you looking for, Swayam?"

"Sharon,"

"What?"

He did not reply.

"She is not here, remember she got engaged today." I tried to make sense of what was happening around me.

Swayam stopped in his tracks and spared me a heated gaze "And you think I did not know that?"

"Then why are you searching for her in your room?"

"I am not searching her literally, you idiot."
"Then?

"You will know." He muttered and moved towards his office room, through the connected door.

A couple of minutes later he came out with a book, kind of a journal.

"What is that?"

"A journal,"

We both sat beside each other, turning the pages of the journal, living our childhood through our best friend's words. The friend I never tried to help even though I was the only one capable. Sharon's journal mostly was about three people and her feelings. There was only one entry that had not happened in real, the last one, the dream of them being a couple.

"When did she give it to you?"

"On her fifteenth birthday."

The last entry was her imagination of Swayam accepting her feelings but he had destroyed her that day along with himself.

We sat there silent not knowing what was happening around us. I was reliving all of my memories with Sharon, her talks, her tears, everything she shared to me, and she never ran out of topics, after all, all she talked about was one person.

***

Later into the night I was getting ready to sleep when I heard some noises from Swayam's room. Cursing myself for leaving him alone I ran to him.

"Why Sharon, why?" shouting at the top of his voice, he smashed the last piece of glass in his room, it broke into thousands of pieces. He broke every tiny memory of her, he did not even flinch when the glass pieces pricked into his flesh, blood oozed out of his foot and wrist, the heartbreak was worse than this physical pain.

Tired, he fell on his knees, hiding his face in between his knees he cried like a child, screaming.

"What the hell Swayam?" I ran towards him and shook him holding his shoulders. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I lost her, I lost her Rey." He mumbled mostly to himself.

"You left her" I corrected him.

"Huh?' He snapped his head at me, as I said something wrong.

"You left her, you let her go." Making him comfortable on the bed, I walked towards his washroom to take the first aid box.

"I wanted her with me, but Shivam, he loves her." I wanted to slap him when he said that. If I were in his place, I would have taken her away from those morons.

After cleaning his wounds, we sat together, "And you? You do not love her."

"I do, but she said I'm late."

"You were. Remember you rejected her when he confessed her love, and the next week you left the country. And what happened after you returned years later, whenever she came to you, you always pushed her away. You wanted her to go Swayam, you can't blame her now." I knew that was a bad time to say all of that but he should realize his mistakes,

"I was wrong!" he stated.

"No Swayam, the situation was wrong."

***

Swayam was my dad's business partner's son, so technically he became my best friend, later Sharon's family moved here when she was two years old. And we three became inseparable. Shivam was the last one to join but he was the easiest one of us, the mischievous child. He transferred school with his sister after his parents died. He lived with his grandfather, who worked in Rekha industries that time. Shivam rarely talked to anyone when his grandfather took him to the office, and that's where our friendship begun. Swayam was like a big brother to Shivam, and it was him who initiated to make him our friend. I never regretted or questioned that because I loved Shivam as much as I loved Swayam. Our friendship was even talk of the town. You know rich people.

I was aware of the blooming affection of Swayam and Sharon, and even about the unrequited feelings of Shivam but I never thought all of these things would blow up like this. How did our friendship survive this? Maybe it was Swayam who made it possible, he was mute, and forced me to stay the same. Shivam had no idea about what was happening behind his back and I felt sorry for him.

I wish I could make him back off, but for that I have to break his heart. He needs to know that Sharon is not sharing his feelings because she loves someone else. And I will tell him that, that is a chance I'm willing to take to protect my friends from another heart break. A little pain is worth it.

***