A Season of Firsts

Chapter 36 - The Colour Red

December 31st

EMMA

"Emma!"

It sounds like it was supposed to be a scream, but the sound of someone calling my name is already fading away, so I can't be sure.
It doesn't matter, anyway.
All that matters is...what matters? I try desperately to remember what I know matters. The world is moving around me, yet I can't hear anything anymore. But I can feel. I feel that whatever I'm lying on is hard and uncomfortable. I wish I were lying on my bed instead, that would be nice. Because I feel kind of sleepy. And I'm wet. Why am I wet?
I lift my hand. It's covered in red.
Red.
Such a pretty colour. Vibrant, full of life, blazing. It's dangerous, and also beautiful. But it means something else as well.
What does the colour red mean again? I don't know. I can't remember. What is that disgusting taste in my mouth? I attempt to get rid of it by spitting, but the taste doesn't leave.

Oh, well. The vile taste won't matter once I'm in dreamland. I might not be on the most comfortable bed, but it will have to do, because my body feels exhausted.

But then a face comes into view. I know that face, that dark copper hair, those deep blue eyes, the strong chin. Aiden.

His mouth moves, but no sound comes out. Does he know that I'm sorry? I hope he does. I hope he knows that I'm sorry for what I said to him, for running away from him. I hope he knows that he's nothing like Blaze. I was wrong.
There's something else I hope he knows as well. Should I tell him? I think I would if I could, but I can't speak, try as I might. My mouth feels like it's full of cement. My head feels weighted to the ground. And it feels like a hundred knives have been thrust into my side. Why? What happened?

Aiden kneels next to me. "Emma."

I feel a surge of excitement. I heard him! But I'm confused, because it looks like he's shouting and yet his voice sounds like a whisper to me.

"Emma, Emma, please stay awake."

Anything, anything for you.

I fight to keep my eyes open. It's difficult because it's like my eyelids have suddenly become too heavy to lift. Maybe all of me has turned into cement.

That's sad. It would be horrible to never be able to move again. I start crying at the thought, surprised that I still can. Tears trickle down my face, cooling my cheeks. Come to think of it, all of me has started feeling cold now.

My eyes connect with the image of someone standing next to Aiden. A stranger, a man with a beard. I've never seen him before. He's holding a phone to his ear, a look of panic on his face as he talks into it.
Aiden is holding my hand now. I can't feel it anymore, but I can see that he's grasping it. I feel all funny on the inside, like I'm melting. Maybe I'll just be a pool of red in the end. That wouldn't be so bad. Red is a pretty colour, after all.
I try to smile at Aiden. Why does he look worried? He shouldn't be. I'm fine. Just fine.

This isn't the first time I've thought this, but I love how Aiden's hand fits into mine. So many pictures roll through my mind now, almost like a slideshow is playing. Aiden carrying me. Aiden laughing at something I said. Aiden looking down from the hot air balloon with me. Aiden's fingers entwined with my own. Aiden kissing me in the snow.
Other memories come to me as well. Memories of my family, and of Crystie. Having a picnic with them. Smiling at mom, teasing dad. Playing baseball with the boys. Ruffling Eddie's hair, punching Carpenter in the shoulder. Sharing my secrets with Cleo. Dancing around the room with Crystie in a red dress.

Aiden. He promised me he'd take me for a ride in a balloon again. He promised. That's why I know I'll be okay. Because he wouldn't lie to me. I'll be okay and we'll be together again, in all the ways I want to be with him. Finishing high school together, getting married, having kids.
I blush, or at least I think I do, at the thought.