Breathless • Malec

vii. Alec

Overall, I'd have to say that this was probably the most confused I had ever been. Yes, even more confusing than Algebra 2. And that's hard to beat.

I would be lying to myself if I said that I didn't feel an attraction to Magnus. There was one little problem. And that problem was a four letter word, and my best friend. Jace.

Truth be told, I knew I was gay. I knew I would never be able to change myself for my parents. There wasn't anything to be ashamed of, but just imagining the look on my mother's face if she found out... I don't think I could live with myself. My parents expected so much, and I was constantly trying to please them.

I opened the door to my dorm and grimaced as I saw Clary sitting on the bed. "What are you doing here?" I asked her, disgust flaring through every word. "Where's Jace?"

"He's not here." Clary gave me a soft smile as she spoke. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

"If this is about you not wanting me to hate you, I'm sorry, princess, but that's not gonna work." She just looked at me expectantly. "What do you want?" I groaned.

"You're not going to like what I have to say," she warned. "But I think you need to hear it."

I rolled my eyes. Just what I needed. Another person trying to tell me how to live my life.

"Alec, I know you're gay-"

"You don't know the first thing about me," I hissed at her, venom filling my veins. The acceptance I had felt earlier, the peace that had started to grow within me, it had all vanished in that instant.

"Alec, there's nothing wrong with that," Clary tried again, sympathy in her voice. "Alec, Jace wants to be here for you, he just doesn't know how to bring it up to you."

I looked at the girl, staring daggers. "Get out of my dorm."

"Alec," she began, but I cut her off.

"No, Clary. You need to get out. I'm not gay. I couldn't be." I sighed, some of my anger receding, turning into desperation. "Please. Just leave."

Clary got up from the bed, and started trudging towards the door. Before opening it, she turned to face me one last time.

"Alec, I just want you to know that Jace accepts you. All your friends do. You can't change who you are." She waited for my response, but I left her hanging.

She let out a sigh as she opened the door and finally left. I collapsed onto my bed. I had spent about two hours with Magnus, although it felt like only half an hour.

It was only ten o'clock, but I was dead tired. I closed my eyes, willing sleep to take me. I still didn't have a clue what I would do about anything in my life, but I hoped that sleeping on it would help.

~~~~

I woke up the next day at around eleven. I rolled over, and saw Jace looking down at me.

"What?" I ask him, and he shakes his head.

"Look, man, I know you don't like Clary-"

I snorted. "That's a bit of an understatement."

Jace crossed his arms. "Alec, she's my girlfriend. I asked her to be last night."

My heart fell to my stomach and I felt pinpricks in my eyes. "Jace, you've got to be kidding me. You guys have only hung out like twice!" I tried to speak as level as I could.

"Actually, Alec, if you bothered to be around for more than just sleeping, maybe you would know that Clary and I have been spending most of our time together." He glared at me.