Breathless • Malec

iv. Alec

I walked back up to Jace and I's dorm with a bit of fear, but somehow, I felt good. I could already tell that Magnus had a strange effect on me. I figured that I could at least trust him with my secret. Besides, what would he gain from telling it, anyways?

"Jace," I began, as I opened the door. "How was-"

My blood turned to lead and my face fell. I stopped dead in my tracks. Jace was sitting on my bed (it was the only clean one) making out with Clary, who was now only wearing a bra and her pants. It was awkward, to say the least.

"Oh, uh-" I lowered my head and I already knew that my cheeks had to be a bright pink.

"Alec!" Jace exclaimed as he scrambled to hand my blanket so that Clary could cover her chest. "Don't worry, we... we were just, uh-"

"It's fine," I stuttered.

Clary grabbed her shirt from the floor and rushed to put it on, "Well, maybe I should go now," she said quietly, as she awkwardly moved towards the door. She gave a little wave to Jace as she opened the door, still facing him. I took a step out of her way.

"Er, I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow." With that, she turned and left.

Jace was glaring at me as I moved to face him. "C'mon, dude," he groaned. "I was in the middle of that!"

I rolled my eyes and tried to stop the blush that I could feel coming on. I couldn't help but imagine myself in Clary's position. That should be me, I thought, but quickly tried to brush the thoughts off. I was just jealous of my best friend becoming closer with someone else. Nothing else. It's not like I had a crush on him or anything like that.

"On my bed," I shot back, my eyes becoming daggers. I was pissed off, embarrassed and confused. If you couldn't tell by now, I'm a mess of a person.

"My bed has a ton of shit on it!" Jace exclaimed, pointing to it. "I didn't think it was that big of a deal, man."

I sighed and started towards the closet where I had already put all my clothes. Jace's, however, were still neatly packed in their boxes. And, the only reason that they were packed neatly was because I had packed them.

"It was a big deal," I muttered under my breath, just quietly enough for him to still make out the words.

"Alec," Jace began in a haggard tone. "This is stuff happens in life to normal people. Life isn't just about sitting inside, and hiding from the world. You're an attractive guy-"

"Just shut up," I raised my voice a bit. When Jace said that I was an attractive guy, my heart rate quadrupled. "It's whatever," I growled.

Jace rolled his eyes. "You need to get out more, Alec. I'm serious." He shook his head, looking towards the ground. "Me and Izzy, we can't be your entire life." Jace said it quietly, and I could tell he was trying to say it in the nicest way possible, but it still hurt.

It hurt like hell.

"I'm just gonna go to bed," I spoke softly, trying to control my rage. I didn't want to freak out, especially before the first day of college. "I suggest you do too," I glared at Jace, who returned it. "You'll wanna sleep off all the alcohol."

Even though I was beyond pissed at him, I still cared. And I hated that about myself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up to the alarm that I had set on my phone. My first class, Intro to American Lit, started at 8. I got up at 6, just so that I could be prepared. Unlike Jace, who got up about 5 minutes before the actual event, I was very proactive about my life.

I headed down to the showers and quickly washed myself. I finished getting dressed by pulling my shirt over my head and stepping out of the cramped shower stall. As I brushed my teeth, I saw Simon walk in. I spit out the paste, and turned around to talk to him.

"Where were you last night?" I asked him.

He shrugged and scratched the back of his head. "I stayed at Clary's. I heard you two arguing and I didn't want to intrude." Simon said the last sentence with a sense of awkwardness to it.

"Oh," I said, furrowing my brow. "Are you and Clary... you know...?"

Simon let out a laugh way too loud for this early in the morning. "No," he said, but his face dropped a bit as he said it. I knew a thing or two about repressed emotions and I could instantly tell he liked Clary.

I wasn't a big fan of Simon before, but now I seemed to like him a lot more.

"Well, I'm gonna take a shower," Simon gestured towards the line filling with people. "See you around, Alec."

I nodded and turned back to the sink. I quickly swiped the towel across my face, removing the water. I gathered up all my things and headed back up to the dorms to grab my bag before making my way to Dryer Hall.

On my way up, I bumped into Jace on the stairwell. I stopped about 3 steps down from him. He was alone, carrying a towel and a bottle of 3-in-1 shampoo, conditioner and body wash. I managed to hold my laugh, but a small chuckle still escaped.

Jace looked up at me with tired eyes. His hair was in a disarray, random pieces sticking up everywhere. It looked gorgeous on him.

I shook my head, trying to somehow shake the thought out too. It didn't work so well.

"What's so funny, Alec?" Jace asked me. Surprisingly, there wasn't anger in his eyes. Usually after we'd had a fight, I'd be the one to apologize. I had a hell of a temper and said awful things, sometimes.

"3-in-1?" I snorted. "My mother raised you better than this." Jace and I had grown up together.

When he was about 10, his parents both died in a car crash and he came and lived with us. He said he didn't want to be adopted, that he had his own family, even if they were gone. He would occasionally stay with his Aunt, but his Aunt had a family of her own to raise. He never called my mom, "mom". It was just Maris to him.

Jace let out a laugh, too. After a few seconds he looked down at me from a few steps above. "Alec," he said, his eyes conveying his sincerity. "I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have said those things."

I shrugged. The impact of what he said was still resting on my shoulders. Jace was my best friend. We had been through everything together. And I cared about him so much, I didn't know how my feeling stood with him, exactly. His words hurt.

"It's alright," I told him. "I do need to get out more, anyways."

"I love you, Alec," Jace said and my heart stopped at those words. He wrapped his arms around me, enveloping me into one of his bear hugs. I knew he meant it platonically, and I definitely wouldn't have wanted him to mean it any other way, but I still got excited.

I returned the hug and gave him an awkward smile. "I love you, too." I said the words shakily, trying not to put too much meaning behind them. I felt like my heart was going to explode.

"See you later?" Jace smiled.

"Yep," I agreed and continued up the steps, focusing on keeping my breathing controlled.

Somehow, that boy seemed to control my heart.